What to think of dating sites today… And of love?

I overdose on everything that can be seen today about couples and romantic relationships through the various apps and dating sites.

Love has become a business, the meeting a marketing tool, and the couple, the flagship product but out of stock! We are told about communication strategy, eye-catching profiles, profitability, we have become consumer products, ideal prey for these advertising campaigns which point to celibacy as the evil of the century and the search for a soul mate as the quest for the Grail. Has love become a myth, an urban legend?

And yet we try to materialize what it is impossible to qualify, to quantify emotions, to put absolutely words on feelings. It has become so normal, so entrenched banality, that we all or almost all of us lend ourselves to this game whether we are 20, 30, 40 years old or over, and we get lost along the way. We look for our best profile, we publish our best photos, we compete with catchy words to describe ourselves, between humor and pseudo-sincerity, but we hide the most important, what really defines us.

Why? Because you absolutely have to sell dreams, always be in your best light, at the top, in order to arouse interest, increase the number of visits to your profile, have messages and meeting proposals.

So no, there are not only fake profiles on the sites, these famous “fakes”, not only mythomaniacs, men in couples or collectors, specialists in lies and false information. There are real, normal, honest people like you and me. People who reveal themselves, do not invent an ideal life made up of false hobbies, trips never made, dozens of exes, and who assume what they are. Only, we get caught in the trap of this system, we do not control anything, we lose our naivety and often our illusions.

Why? Because in front of us, or rather on the other side of our screen, there is once in two, or even more, someone denatured. Someone who has made this quest a game, an unhealthy pastime at best and a means of excessive consumption, for the constitution of a real hunting picture in the worst case.

So what to do? Stay or unsubscribe? How to sort?

There is no lie detector before each new profile validation, so they are not a guarantee of quality and especially not of honesty. The only weapon at our disposal is our intuition. We have to use our perspicacity and listen to our instincts so as not to become the umpteenth victim of a potential womanizer, a one-night stand addict, or a married man.

Lightness, sex, and infidelity seem too often to define the meetings made via the net. It’s so easy to register, to lie, to play, to consume, to run away, to disappear. And to start again with another person according to the same scenario.

Keeping your illusions about men (or women) and the merits of the couple is difficult when you come across such profiles.

Once, we say to ourselves that we were unlucky.

Twice, that one is too naive.

 Three times that we have real bad luck.

Beyond that, we say two things to ourselves: either all those registered are unscrupulous potential hunters; either, alas, we question ourselves, convinced that we have not sent the right signals, not been sufficiently clear or that we do not deserve better.

So, even if there are, and fortunately, counter-examples, few singles who try their luck on the sites come out unscathed. Most have burnt their wings at least once.

Change site, have a new approach, sort it out, be wary?

There is no silver bullet, no guarantee, 100% coverage against liars, broken plans, fake stories. Spending too much time on these sites, multiplying the exchanges in the hope of a match, of the meeting, ends up being time-consuming. And alas, while it can slowly destroy us, a form of addiction sets in. We can’t stop completely.

Read also: Relationships these days

Why? Because of this very stupid thing, which makes us move forward in life, sometimes helps us to continue, HOPE ..! What if… Yes, what if the next game, the next message, was Him, it was Her!

So we leave one last chance, some testimonies around us are reassuring, stories born via 2.0 seem to exist, so why not us? We tell ourselves that we will just take some distance, detach ourselves, that with a certain distance, we will be less vulnerable and that we will keep our few illusions still intact. Only, these are words. How to show detachment when you are in a serious and sincere approach when you take things to heart when you invest yourself when you spend time to get to know the other? We are not robots, emotions cannot be controlled!

Should we listen to all those others, who have become professional in the art of plans, superficial, gamblers, jaded, frustrated, looking for quick and poorly done sex, who say that nothing serious is possible on the internet? That those who believe in it lie to themselves?

On this subject, I have two hypotheses:

–          They want to convert us to their mode of operation, to prove to us by A + B that it is for our good, and above all that we have only one life, that we must take advantage of it, let go, not put barriers … If we have the misfortune to answer that not going to bed the first night is not a limit that we impose on ourselves but a choice, that the sex friends option does not interest us, then the famous ”  you are really stuck  ”falls like a cleaver 90% of the time. The remaining 10% have already done “next” in search of a woman who is lighter, more docile, or more easily influenced.

–           They consider, from the outset, that those (and those) who are on sites are necessarily easy people, light, without taboos, in search of the great thrill, collectors. They stick a label and say they are not ready to live a story. But in fact, it’s because often they think that a real relationship is inconceivable with these women (men). A problem to assume? A misconception that no one can be serious behind their screen? The reflection of their own profile perhaps?

Live Dating vs Dating 2.0?

So once the registration is done, the setbacks encountered, the disappointments suffered, the illusions lost, what to do? Wait until the next profile is the right one or bet everything on meeting at the supermarket, at the gym, or in a bar? Is the real a guarantee of seriousness?

Is the problem the medium or is it wider than that? Generational? Are we just living in a bad time for love?

Dating sites speed things up and skew them; we click, talk, meet, try, throw ourselves. And the next/next! We no longer take the time to dig, we have no time, no desire, we no longer know how to do it.

Has love gotten yucky, obsolete, cheesy? Celibacy is sold as an assumed, trendy way of life, with total freedom and zero constraints. Okay, but isn’t that reductive? Are we not quite simply in an era filled with nothingness, superficial, selfishness?

So in the end, even if the internet has a large share of responsibility in the evolution of mentalities, dating sites have only surfed the wave of navel-gazing and consumption galore, and detaching yourself from it is not a pledge of sincere encounters. But it can free us from this addiction to the virtual, reconnect us to the essential, allow us to meet people without make-up or filter and to remain ourselves.

Stay connected if you wish, but remember that the important thing is to be in tune with your true nature. Do not let a mishap take away all your illusions, do not knowingly burn your wings to be like everyone else. Live it with your soul and conscience. If your quest is for love, don’t let anyone tell you it’s a lost cause. Don’t give anyone the power to stray from your values. Keep believing in it, do not seek it at all costs but do not banish the love from your life. It is not a constraint to be in a couple, on the contrary it is an added value to your life.

So whether it’s an online profile or a figure just around the corner, it doesn’t matter because yes, your “love” does exist.

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