I found a very interesting study on the OkCupid dating site titled “ What exactly to send in the first message ”? The analysis was made by someone and I am going to summarize it for you! So, what is the first message to send on a dating site? Follow the guide!
The people who carried out this study analyzed more than 500,000 first posts on the OkCupid dating site. They looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected response rates, and which trends were statistically significant. The result: a set of rules for what you should follow when writing your first post on a dating site.
1 / Be literary
No, we are not asking you to write like Balzac or Hugo. But bad grammar and bad spelling are anything but exciting! The analysis having been made in English (the site being American base), the “ur”, “u”, “wat” etc… are almost prohibitive! Like an “Slt” “Sava” in France!
There are exceptions to this Internet jargon. For example, “Haha” are tolerated and even appreciated. Probably because it relates to humor.
2 / Avoid compliments on the physique
It is especially to you, gentlemen, that we are addressing ourselves here. In fact, men compliment a woman’s physique much more than a woman compliments a men’s physique.
Also read: Examples of first messages for a girl on a dating site
You might think words like gorgeous, beautiful, and sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them.
As we all know people appreciate compliments, but when they’re used as flirtatious phrases when you haven’t met yet, it just doesn’t work out.
Also, know that women receive H24 compliments on their physique (sincere or not) and would like to receive other qualifiers than ” you are charming “!
As you can see in the graphic above, if the compliments on the physique displease, the more general compliments such as “cool” “it’s nice that…” “amazing”… work better!
3 / Use an original approach
The people who did this study took a close look at how to approach the dating site.
After all, the way you choose to begin your initial message to someone is ” the first impression of your first impression.” “
Read also: The best catchphrases on a dating site
They analyzed the “hey” “hello” “hola” “hi” “holla” … In short, the very first word. “Hello” in French.
What should be remembered is that it is best not to use a “word of greeting” at all and to get straight to the heart of the matter.
4 / highlight specific interests
Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is an effective way to make a connection.
The proof with this graphic:
What’s even more effective are phrases that engage the reader’s own interests, that show you’ve read their profile. In short, that you really took an interest in THEIR PERSON.
5 / Be modest
In the study of the site OkCupid, it even says ” if you are a man, be modest “!
“Uncomfortable”, “sorry”, “sorry”, “some sort of”, “probably” … As incredible as it may seem, male messages that include these words are more successful! On the other hand, it is quite the opposite for women! Apart from the word “sorry”, women who are insecure and use the words “probably”, “uncomfortable” … are not a hit!
If you can’t get messages and dates on dating sites, my method is for you!
The term “rather” works very well for men. Basically, a guy who knows how to question himself and who is not arrogant, well, women like it!
What is funny is that we see on a lot of coaching sites for men that they need to be sure of themselves, hyper-confident… Well, like what… This is not true!
These terms also work well because they show that the perpetrator is more vulnerable than threatening.
Be careful, however, vulnerable does not mean being desperate! A man who seems totally in need of love and who experiences loneliness will not make any woman want to answer him.
Besides, one of the words not to use is: ” please “.
6 / Become an atheist
Ahah advice to say the least surprising but advice all the same! Indeed, the study showed that talking about your religion could help you but that, paradoxically, it would help you more if you don’t have one! The researchers specify: ” We know that this advice may annoy a lot of people but that’s what the figures reveal “.