After a breakup, you miss your ex. And sometime later, again. But how do you know if it’s the person you miss or the moments you spent with them? How to know if the need to find it is not above all a fear of loneliness?
It is normal to always need a period of adaptation after a breakup, a longer or shorter time depending on the person, during which we will erase the habit and the attachment to the other, during which we will also do a kind of mourning: without completely forgetting past history (which is impossible), it is a matter of having to move forward. Only you can’t do it. Time goes by and your situation gets worse. But do you absolutely have to get your ex back? Here are some scenarios, if you find yourself in it, you will certainly be able to reconsider the question:
You are afraid of loneliness
What if your remedy for that fear was none other than the person you loved? The problem is no longer learning to move forward with your ex but to relive alone. It is normal not to like being alone and a lot goes from one person to another, in an attempt to mask this fear, but this is not the solution. You must learn to live on your own, not to seek constant feelings for others if it ruins your life. Be careful, there is no question either of going to live as a hermit and you’re natural will always come back at a gallop, you will never change completely, you just have to know how to take a step back and sometimes call on your friends rather than your ex. . Of course, the relationship is very different, but the constant urge to be in a relationship for fear of loneliness will only poison you.
You tend to be too dependent
Surely a difficult problem to solve since it requires a lot of work on yourself. But usually, addiction problems don’t happen after, but during the relationship. You hang on for a reason that can be varied to one person and tend to rely on them alone. In a very close-knit couple, it may happen that the other does not suffer from your addiction until the break-up, but generally, the latter is noticed by others. Addiction is sometimes linked or confused with the fear of loneliness, but it is not a requirement. There are many reasons, more or less serious or deep, sometimes just a character trait such as lack of self-confidence. Don’t see addiction as a weakness, it is often portrayed as it is nowadays but it is something that is your own business and cannot be hastily judged on. It is about your relationship with yourself, not with others. It is above all-important that you regain faith in yourself and you take responsibility for yourself, your life will be even more pleasant.
You are possessive
Whether it’s a real character trait or a sub-trait that actually hides something else like addiction, for example, you must learn to detach yourself from the other. This is yet another exercise to do on your own that, in reality, is not about your ex. While it is of course impossible to go from very possessive to totally detached, it is always possible to tell the difference between your desire for possession and your real feelings.
In moments of emptiness, you think boredom about your ex. Because you don’t have to do anything else. There is only one solution: occupy your mind. Play sports, go to the movies, go out with your friends …
By dint of not seeing your ex, you re-imagine him
At first, you missed him for what he was. Then, little by little, by dint of not seeing him anymore, you started to imagine him in his best days, your ex was becoming an improved version of himself. So obviously, how do you break away from this man who has suddenly become so perfect? You have to keep in mind that your ex had his faults, especially the ones you find almost unbearable. Yes, he had qualities, yes he was intelligent but he was not perfect, he was not the ideal man and, while it may now be time to turn the page, know that another will have just as many qualities (even very different ones) to make you happy. Stop forging yourself this idea of a soul mate, some belief in it but after a breakup, you cannot continue to cling to the other under this pretext.
In conclusion ? Before declaring yourself in love again, make sure you are not in one of these scenarios. In addition to avoiding sentimental catastrophes, this could allow you to work on your weaknesses and your relationship to attachment which, even if it cannot be totally changed, will be taken into account in your next relationships, which you can approach with more hindsight.