Hello Lea,First of all, a big bravo and thank you for your site which turns out to be very useful and pleasant to consult for lovers (sometimes) in distress like us! It is always a pleasure to read your new articles.I suspect that you must be overwhelmed and overwhelmed by messages, emails, and other requests, and not necessarily having the means to pay me the coaching / follow-up (ahhh, student life!), It is without great conviction that I await a response; but I try my luck.So I introduce myself quickly, my name is Julia, I am 21 years old, and I would need a neutral and objective opinion concerning my current “relationship”, but also on this subject in general.We often hear that famous phrase of “going back to your ex is swallowing your vomit “, so I wanted to know, in your opinion, if there was really no possibility that a second chance could work and last?I wanted a comprehensive answer, but if it helps to give my context:I had a long distance relationship with my friend that lasted a year and a half. Everything was going very well, then he decided to break up overnight because he wanted to discover other things , since I was his first serious relationship. I obviously understood this need and accepted it, even if for six months it was not very easy for me. We never really completely cut off contact (SMS every two days) even though there was no longer any romantic ambiguity. I heard that during this period he had a more or less serious flirtation, but when the lady wanted more, he gave her a stop, saying that it was not worth the wait. A week ago, he took the train to come to Paris to tell me that he wanted us give back a chance because he missed me.Obviously I wish it would work, but I’m afraid he’ll do it again in a few months. Some tell me that it allowed him to achieve things and that it can only work now, others on the contrary tell me to run away from him because he will do it again. Suddenly, I’m a little lost!Pending a response (personal or not) by email, article, or videoI wish you a very good continuation for your site.
First of all, thank you for your email and your trust
My answer may surprise you but yes, it is quite possible that a past relationship can resume with confidence! The mistake many make is not getting back with your ex, the real mistake is wanting to get back together with your ex at all costs when you have not yet rebuilt yourself after the breakup.
To start a new life with your ex and make it work, you need to:
- Have accepted the breakup
- To have built oneself alone, to have learned from this rupture
- Understand what had gone wrong
- Do not rush to pick up the other
- Being in love with the new person (what the ex has become) and not with the old image (what the ex was during the relationship)
- Not wanting at all costs to reproduce the past relationship
- Not being in the before / after comparison
- Assume your choice: that is to say to fully embark on the relationship and not to doubt every day!
How to do it?
What I strongly advise is to take it to step by step, slowly. There is no fire, getting back together in a hurry could turn badly. In your case Julia, I think you have to start from scratch. This new relationship should not be a continuation of the first one, but rather a new relationship, a new beginning. To do this, you have to start everything from the beginning: go back to seduction, see each other regularly, go to a restaurant, seduce the other, arouse desire.
In short, you have to ask yourself the following question: “what is my current state of mind”? When we see a person with whom we have shared a part of their life, a person whom we have loved, we necessarily look at them through a prism, through the film of the past relationship, that is to say – say with a mixture of memories and present reality. The biggest risk is an idealization, but in your case, you seem to have your feet on the ground!
The fact of having seen something else since the separation, of having lived your own experiences, of having taken a step back on your history are real positive factors of this second chance. Indeed, you have both matured, you no longer project the same thing on the other as before, the stakes are no longer the same! You should both be able to get back together by living this relationship more lightly (which doesn’t mean less seriously!).
If done right, getting back together with your ex can be fantastic! Rediscovering a loved one is a great thing. It’s been over a year since you are no longer together, your ex has necessarily matured and changed! If he feels the need today to see you again, to be with you, it is because he has thought about it for a long time. He certainly realized that yes, girls, pretty, smarts, there are everywhere, but that, in the end, it is with you that he was good.
You obviously can’t predict the future, but in my opinion, you have absolutely nothing to lose. If you want to give it another chance and it is reciprocal, it can lead to a very nice story!
I hope I cleared up your ideas Julia
Do not hesitate to give us your news!