The lack after a breakup: how to fill it and manage it?

Lack of love after a breakup is something you don’t often talk about and yet it is the root of almost all the words you feel!

Lack after a breakup: how to fill it and manage it?

When we die or suffer a horrible loss we all go through five stages of grief . We go through denial because the loss is not possible, we can not imagine that it is real. We get angry with everyone, against the survivors, against ourselves. Then we make a deal, we beg, we implore, we offer all we have, we offer our own souls in exchange for one more day. When negotiations fail anger is hard to contain, we fall into depression, despair, until we finally accept that we have tried everything.We give up. We give up and we accept. Grief can be something we have in common, but it is different for everyone. It’s not just death that we mourn, life, loss, change. And you wonder why it blocks so much sometimes, why it hurts so much but the thing you have to remember is that it can change. That’s how we stay alive, when it hurts so badly, that we can’t breathe, that’s how we survive. Remembering, that one day, that somehow you won’t feel the same way anymore, it won’t hurt so much. Grief comes to everyone in their own time, in their own way. So the best that can be done, the best that everyone can do, is to resort to honesty.The really shitty thing, the worst part of the heartache is you can’t control it. The best we can do is try to let go of our feelings when they come. And let them go when we can. The worst thing is, the minute you think you’ve gotten over it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, you can’t breathe anymore. The grief has five stages. They all seem different to us, but there are always five: denial, anger, negotiations, depression, acceptance. Grey’s Anatomy.

A breakup is a tsunami that floods us from all sides.

We lose our bearings, our habits, and our daily lives overnight, and we find ourselves thrown into a world of loneliness and doubtsWe look for our lost love in all encounters, faces, and smiles. We need to feed ourselves so we will look on the networks, on the emails of the past and the text messages sent the proof that this love was very real. But this reality is no longer so we sink in spite of our efforts to get out of our comfort zone.

Also read: How long does it take for your ex to stop thinking about you?

Fortunately, we get to know each other, and we know which keys to activate to go towards liberation. BUT the pain that comes and goes does not obey any rule because “US” is sorely lacking. Today and tomorrow are alike, in fact, everything is alike like an uninterrupted litany. We become the spectator of our distress, it is as if we no longer have control over our destiny.

The other left as he came.

The other is no more than a distant memory that tends to be erased.

The other returns in our dreams, our thoughts, and our chimeras.

Lack becomes our identity.

As the days go by, as the weeks go by, we sometimes find the desire, the courage, and the hope to go beyond the evil that torments us.

But when “we” knock on the door of our thoughts, we find ourselves thrown into this universe that is no more. Why? Why are our efforts not sufficient to go beyond this lack which no longer has a raison d’être? How to make love bloom again when you feel naked on all sides?

Read also: The impact of a breakup on the brain

During my coaching sessions, my clients ask me “how to do”? We worked on beliefs, pains, and frustrations but the lack remains present.

The lack felt after the breakup must be filled. The question is how?

What to do if the lack is:

– In daily exchanges:

Make sure you can communicate more regularly with your network and your family. Communication can find its substitute in other people who will give you the edge by listening to you in all empathy.

You can buy a notebook in which you can write down all your thoughts, requests, and frustrations. Going through writing is a great outlet for everyday stress.

– In the lack of affection:

Spend more time with your loved ones and family. Take advantage of this moment to please by organizing activities or offering small gifts that will make everyone happy.

You can meet new people who can help you open your heart to move into a new relationship.

The lack felt perhaps filled by 1001 sleight of hand as long as we use a little will and imagination.

It is important to know and understand that we cannot ignore this evil that dwells in us. You have to go through different stages during a romantic break-up and you have to accept it calmly and serenely.

Time has the virtue of mending broken hearts.

Accept to feel what is in you.

Welcome, your tears and your pain.

Take it to step by step, avoiding looking back to a past that no longer exists

Have faith in yourself because you are your best ally in creating your destiny

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