Some time ago (quite a long time now), I had a terribly painful breakup. We had been together for 3 years, lived in the same apartment for a few months and everything was going well. Obviously, there were ups and downs (as in all couples) but more ups than downs (at least in my opinion at the time). The shock was therefore very violent when on the terrace of a cafe, at the very beginning of the year, she told me that she was leaving me.
It took me a long time to realize what was going on and it was a long, very complicated period ahead of me. I managed to get over it and during this long journey, I learned a lot of things and had many clicks.
I wanted to create a site that would help those who, like me, was lost after a breakup
I remember that at that time, I was looking for a lot of things on the internet but could not find anything of interest, except for articles that explained to you how to get your ex back (which is very tempting when you have just been make quit but very bad in the long run) . So I started writing articles and sharing what I had learned.
I will therefore take advantage of this article to give you some tips that have impressed me and answer some common questions that we may have in these times.
1. How long does it take to get over it?
Obviously, time is on the line but this is not the most important criterion (far from it). Some will take months or even years to recover (or keep this wound open for a good part of their life) and others will be much better after a few weeks (a few days, that seems very complicated to me). In fact, it all depends on what we put in place in our life to get out of it and to go up the slope.
2. What to do about the rage and anger that we feel?
It is quite normal to have some and it is also a bit what saves us in these moments. However, we will have to get over that and this as quickly as possible!
3. It’s easy to say but how do you do it?
There was something that opened my eyes, a kind of “aha moment” that immediately helped me and completely changed my way of thinking.
To put things in context, my girlfriend has just left me. This is the second time in 6 months (yes I know it was a big mistake to get back with her)… I was at the end of my life and I kept telling myself: “ she got me. put down, ok I’m going to put it down too and I’m going to destroy it ”. In these cases, we are under the influence of emotion, anger and we do not recognize each other. So I imagined how I could destroy her and hurt her (as much as she was doing me)! I was going to send him an inflammatory message (and everything that goes with it) but I felt deep inside that it wasn’t the right thing to do.
So I called my mother (who is also a psychologist) and explained to her what I wanted to do.
At that time, she explained 3 things to me, which really impressed me and which I remembered well:
1. Revenge can be good instantly, but in the long run, it’s always devastating.
2. It hurts us because by doing that, we don’t honor ourselves. We must keep in mind (in this kind of situation and in life in general) two important points: only do things that honor us and respect us.
3. I may find the situation unfair, consider what this girl did to be horrible (and that’s wrong, for sure), but she still isn’t a horrible person. I can try to turn the situation all over the place, blame him for everything, but that doesn’t help. Anyway, it was also my fault. We are responsible for what happens to us in life. This girl had come back into my life, she had come back to me (it wasn’t me who had turned back to her) so I didn’t understand why she was leaving me again. But come to think of it, if she came back in my life it’s also because I let her come back. So you have to understand that you have your share of responsibility and that whatever happens, you are responsible, even if you don’t like the idea.
In all of this, there is good news, and it concerns this last point. It is true that you are going through a very complicated time and even if you are going through it when you understand that you are responsible for it then you can take back control. You are no longer a victim but an actor in this situation and in your life. This is what will allow you to take things in hand.