When we have known love but the person we loved has left us, it is often difficult to let go of the past. Rebuilding your life after a long love affair, successfully rebuilding yourself, and falling in love again can be long and painful. This separation highlights the need to move on and the lack of love. In both cases, to fall in love again after a long relationship, you have to mourn your old story. Falling in love again after a difficult breakup is it possible? Easy or difficult? To each their own story. Here are two testimonials on the post-breakup: how to fall in love again after a difficult breakup.
How to fall in love again after a difficult breakup: when the other is the one who is gone
After a love story, we all go through more or less the same stages, those of loving mourning . Obviously, this occurs when the separation is at the initiative of the person you love, when the breakup was not desired on both sides or when you had not previously taken the step of making a decision. such decision.
If a love affair ends, usually something is wrong. Only sometimes only one of the two partners is aware of it or wishes it. He wants to experience something else and the other is still in love or in amorous waiting.
To be left by the person you still love is one of the greatest emotional sufferings there is . So even if all the heartaches eventually pass, no one goes through the stages of mourning at the same pace and in the same way.
Grief in love to fall in love again after a difficult breakup
Mourning in love is indeed an essential phase after a breakup. Everyone experiences it at their own pace and for some, it occurs in several stages: sadness, denial, anger a phase of depression before reconstruction. It can take a long time to dislike someone, realizing that the relationship was doomed too.
Testimonial from Sandra, 32 years old: I needed to rebuild myself on my own before thinking of falling in love again one day
“When my partner left me, I went through a depressive phase, I’m not ashamed to say it. I was like in shock. I know it might sound weird, that they say there are always warning signs, that we just veil our face but in my case, I really didn’t see it coming.
Read also: How long to get back together after a long relationship?
At the time, I did not understand, I even thought that he was going to come back, that there was something that I did not know, that it was only a station wagon and that it was impossible that his feelings are gone. For me it was inconceivable.
I didn’t know it, but I had actually entered one of the painful stages of mourning in love, that of denial.
As long as I did not want to admit it, accept the truth, it was impossible for me to go up the slope. I was no more than a shadow of myself. It went on for several months before I accepted the fact that he was not coming back.
I clung to our memories, to our common past, to everything that could bring me to live through it. I got help in addition to my relatives who supported me, listened to, and then pushed around to make me react.
Thanks to all this, I realized that I had lived our history through him, through a “we” that I had created for several years while forgetting the “me”.
It’s not his fault or mine, it’s just that I didn’t know how to love myself as much as I loved him.
I faded into a relationship that got boring. Where I thought to reassure him, he was suffocating; where I wanted to be secure, I was just hiding the reasons for my fears. It was thanks to this click that I was able to get out of this phase of mourning in love and finally take the other steps.
They were faster, I fell very low but I managed to get up and especially to understand what was wrong, why our relationship had not worked.
My love for him was gone the moment I realized that our relationship was based on a total imbalance.
Today after a huge amount of introspection, I managed to get out of this mechanism and tell myself that I deserved to be loved as much as the love I offered. From there, rebuilding confidence was easier, and falling in love again is something that I have been seriously considering recently.
I had a great meeting a few weeks ago and even if I take my time, I feel that this time it can be different. So I go at my own pace and I give myself the right to be in love and happy again. “
For others, these stages follow one another quickly because unconsciously, they have already mourned their old relationship. There was no more love, only they had not managed to admit it to each other until then. These people find it easier to fall in love again and rebuild their lives after separation.
Testimony of Chloe, 28 years old: by leaving me, my ex freed me, and falling in love again happened naturally
“When my ex-boyfriend left me, I was barely 25 and had been with him since I was 18. As much to say to you that it was my first great love and in my head, there was no doubt that it was the man of my life. I was convinced of it, I had never known anyone other than him.
When he broke up, at the time I thought my world was collapsing. My habits, my landmarks, our plans for my life. I had to learn to live differently, to lose some friends, to find myself alone on a daily basis while dragging this pain.
But deep down inside, I expected the suffering to be intolerable, the lack unbearable, but it wasn’t and I didn’t understand.
Was it normal? I almost felt guilty for already feeling ready to open my heart to someone else. However, I did not try to meet other people but I did not lock myself in my sadness or my emotional loneliness.
We met young, we loved each other quickly, we settled into a life of “ teenagers ” very quickly. For me it was all mapped out, it was him and no one else, I accepted his faults, I made compromises even concessions, it seemed normal to me. I was wrong.
When he left me for another, I realized that while I wasn’t irreplaceable, he wasn’t unforgettable either.
I didn’t become vengeful, I just realized that what I thought was love was actually attachment, affection. What reassured me were our habits.
After a few weeks of doubts and mistakes, I took a liking to my celibacy. Strangely, it is as if I have found new energy for my work and in my social life. New freedom, new desires. Being alone at 25 sometimes scared me a little, but I appreciated this kind of freedom to act that I had found.
The field of possibilities that opened before me where I would perhaps finally know what love really was and really be me attracted me.
I was no longer a young girl, I had become a young woman and that changed everything. I knew what I wanted and what I didn’t want anymore. And I was very lucky because life gave me an incredible gift just three months after my separation.
She has put in my path a wonderful man who has been my man today for almost 3 years. With him it was love at first sight that still lasts, obvious but above all a relational balance.
Each love story is different, I do not deny my first love, it was useful for me to understand who I was and I have fond memories of my past history. Only precisely this is the past.
I didn’t ask myself the question of when or how I was going to fall in love again, it happened on its own, easily, naturally and it was truly very quickly.
Today I am happy with the man I love and I can testify that falling in love again after a difficult break-up is quite possible. Even if it is obvious that everyone mourns their past relationship differently, depending on the love and the reasons for the separation and the path taken after the breakup. I am aware of my luck and I savor it every day. “