Even though it hurts, I decided to move on

Even if it hurts, I’m not going to hold out my hand or send you a text saying “hi”, just because it’s Sunday at 2 pm and you appeared in my mind. No, even though it hurts, I decided to move on.

Even if it hurts, I won’t go to your Instagram to like all your old photos when I have had a little too much to drink. I will no longer be afraid that you will forget me by no longer seeing my name displayed.

Even if it hurts, I won’t mention you to my friends again. Not because I’m ashamed to think of you in public places, but because I know that the mere mention of your name will bring me back to all our memories.

Even though it hurts, I decided to move on

Even if it hurts, I won’t complain that you didn’t think about wishing me my birthday.

Even if it hurts, I’ll block your number for as long as it takes. This will prevent me from hoping for your name to flash on my screen at all times and from spending my days staring at my wallpaper. Of course, I erased your number so many times that I ended up knowing it by heart. It’s crazy how these seven little numbers haunt me. Sometimes I touch the keys of these seven numbers and I remove them because I know that by dialing them, I will destroy all my progress.

Even if it hurts, I’ll stop cursing you for the partner you were never ready to be for me. I will tell myself that some people are just bridges allowing them to cross to the other side, where the right person is . I will try to convince myself that you have been a bridge for me.

Even if it hurts, I won’t punish myself for telling you too soon that I love you. Even if it hurts, I will stop sending you the songs that make me think of you, of us, hoping that you catch the subliminal message that creeps in.

Even though it hurts, I look forward to the day when we are both happy.

And this, even if our happiness is not accessible together. And too bad if you find it before me. I know that if that happens, I will ask myself a thousand questions and that it will hurt me terribly, maybe I will come to hope that when I have also found love, you will regret me …

Even though it hurts, I know that we have been special and important to each other in our respective lives. I know we didn’t meet by chance, that this madness had a purpose. And I also know that my tearful days are not over, but like any other disease, sometimes you just have to sweat all the poison to be healed.

Even if it hurts, I’ll give myself time to mourn

After all, it’s not so trivial to be in mourning for your past in love, your present and the future that you had imagined. It’s not easy to mourn the death of who I thought you were, the death of who I thought I was, and who I was when we were together. The death of your caresses, your voice, your smell, your skin, your laughter. But I know this mourning will end and the storms don’t last forever. Life goes on, even if it’s without you.

Even though it hurts, I have accepted being alone for longer than I had expected. And, even though it hurts, I stopped trying to finish a story that I would still write chapters on my own.

Cause one day it won’t hurt me anymore

One day, on a Sunday, I will rush to have lunch with my girlfriends and one of them will call me because I will be late, she will shout “it is 2pm !!” And I’ll stay still for a few seconds with my mascara between my fingers, and laugh out loud. Because I won’t hurt anymore. I’ll laugh so hard I’ll cry and my friend will ask me what’s going on. And I will answer him: “it is finally Sunday at 2 pm”.

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