What if I wasn’t made for love?
Say it with a letter
There are things we would like to say to those we love. But we do not always know where to start, how to find the right ones, to convey the right intention. Today, we help you get started and send the most beautiful letter:
After disappointments and failures in love, bad meetings or a long period of celibacy, we can wonder if love really wants us. Is this bad luck? Bad karma ? From limiting beliefs more or less unconscious that prevent us from meeting the right person? Is it our fault, that of others, that of today’s relationships which are not really any more at first glance? Why does love seem so hard to find? What if I wasn’t made for love? This is the question Alexia asks herself, after the multiplication of disappointments and disillusions. Single for 4 years, she now oscillates between fatalism and resignation. Here is his testimony.
Testimony of Alexia: What if I was not made for love?
When the father of my daughter and I made the decision to separate, worn out of not understanding each other and making each other suffer, I never imagined that my future in love would look like such a desert . A no man’s land !
At the time, we don’t think about that anyway. Caught in the turmoil of this separation, in the tumult of decisions to be made for the well-being of my daughter . Concentrated on the urgency of rebuilding a stable life for us, my sentimental life was the least of my worries.
Even if this separation was a will on my part, the fact remains that I needed time for myself afterwards. To mourn in love, even if the feelings had faded for a long time. But finding myself a little alone and understanding my new life as a solo mom were my priorities.
I didn’t want to give my heart back to a man right away, to place my trust in someone. To bind my fate again. It seemed like a healthy behavior to me to take my time.
Obviously, I never imagined that this lapse of time would turn into years. To the point of wondering today if I was really made for love.
About a year was necessary for me to regain my balance, to distinguish between my role as a mother and my life as a single woman. And to accept the failure of my previous union. I needed to put my life in order and it was done.
Also, without chasing love on every street corner, without making it an obsession, I was ready for a new and beautiful meeting. But that’s when I caught reality in the face.
Read also: run away from me i follow you i run away from you or the unhealthy game of relationships today
Every other weekend, when my daughter was at her father’s, I took the opportunity to go out with my friends. To see people, to take care of me. During these two days, twice a month, I put Alexia, the woman, back at the center of my life. I did not forget that I was a mother, and I never hid that I was a mother. But I didn’t want to define myself just by that.
Comfortable in my skin, at least I believed it, open to a beautiful meeting, not broken by my past relationship, I did not expect this nothing, this emptiness, this nothingness.
These meaningless relationships, for lack of anything better . Total lack of emotions, feelings and the fear of commitment promoted as the new symptom love fashion!
In the months that followed, and for three years, I only had meetings that did not suit me. Disappointing, made of lies, deceptions, superficiality, immaturity. So much so that I wondered what I was doing wrong.
Also read: Why do I attract the wrong people?
Was I unworthy of being loved again? Didn’t I deserve to live a beautiful love story?
We say that we attract to ourselves what we release. So what mixed signals was I sending to only attract men who were lying about their love status? Or who were only looking for the pleasure of a night?
At first, we tell ourselves that this is just a bad experience , that it happens to everyone. The second time, we talk about bad luck . The third, we think we are naive , stupid or not well enough to hold a man’s attention. At the fourth attempt, we think we are cursed . And the work of undermining confidence and self-esteem begins to do its work.
I, who was a sociable woman, rather confident in life and in the future, I closed myself in my shell.
What is the use of continuing to hope to meet someone under such conditions? It is as if the game was skewed in advance, that the dice were loaded.
I no longer wanted someone to introduce me to someone, nor to be approached and even less to provoke a meeting. Virtual, real, whatever, it all sounded wrong, overplayed, superficial. It’s as if I knew the script in advance, he repeated to himself. And he was disappointing every time.
For several months, I have been there. What if I wasn’t made for love is what best sums up my current thoughts.
Read also: Why am I single?
I thought about it a lot, I even felt the need to talk about it, to confide in myself. After disillusionment and a big disappointment, my self-confidence was seriously shaken. I managed to find her, to tell myself that I was not responsible, at fault, guilty. To understand certain things. To take a step back and to analyze exactly my feelings and my emotions.
When I say I’m not made for love, I don’t mean anymore that I don’t deserve it. It’s more a feeling of not being in tune with than what makes romantic relationships current.
I try not to generalize, because I tell myself that what I hope for, I must not be the only one who wants to feel it and live it. And so on a good day, I remain optimistic and positive, telling myself that time will do its work and that life has simply not put the man made for me in my path yet.
At other moments of doubt, of spleen, and I will not lie, there are many, this sentence comes back like a refrain in my head, haunting: what if I was not made for love? Because we may believe very strongly, it is difficult after several failures and years of celibacy to manage to keep hope.
It is as if, despite the desire to share and love again, we feel incapable of love, as if we no longer know what to do.
How to meet people , find someone, start a conversation, stay yourself, not put pressure on yourself, not doubt your intentions, and find a place in your life …
It is difficult to let go of your fears and blockages when you have been bathed for a long time in the emotional loneliness of celibacy. Maybe it’s like riding a bike or knowing how to swim, you can’t forget it …
Deep down inside, I still hope for a meeting, a real one, but while waiting for what I know in any case, it is that I am not made for pretenses.