Solo mom and maternal burnout: how to get out?

Solo mom and maternal burnout: how to get out?

Say it with a letter

There are things we would like to say to those we love. But we do not always know where to start, how to find the right ones, to convey the right intention. Today, we help you get started and send the most beautiful letter:

There is no longer any need to prove the existence of the mental load and fatigue of some parents. Raising your children is indeed not easy, combined with work, obligations of all kinds or household chores. And this reality is even stronger for separated parents. A single mother who takes care of her children alone experiences mental overload and sometimes emotional exhaustion which can lead to maternal burnout. When obligations take precedence over everything else, when stress and fatigue punctuate her days, it is difficult for a solo mom to see the end of the tunnel. Solo mom and maternal burnout: how to get out of it? How to go back up the slope, to get rid of this weakened physical and emotional state?

Solo mom and maternal burnout: how to get out?

The burn-out , a concept from the world of work, is not limited only to the professional environment. This exhaustion can arise from his role as a parent. In this case, we speak of parental, paternal or maternal burn-out.

Lack of sleep, busy work, endless transportation, uninterrupted demands and negotiations from children, crushing mental load …

An incessant kids-metro-work-kids-sleep that gives many solo moms the impression that their lives have become one uninterrupted series of chores. To the point of leading them straight, in spite of themselves, into maternal burn-out.

Read also: The emotional charge: These women exhausted from always having to think of everything

Symptoms of maternal burnout

Symptoms vary from mother to mother, and some are very close to occupational burnout. But we find the following signs:

  • Intense exhaustion
  • Daily stress
  • Strong overwork
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Weight loss or gain
  • Irritability
  • Back pain, digestive problems, headaches
  • Nervous fatigue
  • Emotional detachment from children
  • A feeling of anger
  • A feeling of being overwhelmed upon waking up
  • Hypersensitivity

Read also: Exhausted solo mom: how to go up the slope?

Solo mom and maternal burnout: how to get out?

In the specific case of maternal burnout, here are the main characteristic signs directly related to the role of mother:

Exhaustion 

It is this feeling of being exhausted, emptied, “at the end of the roll”. This extreme fatigue can manifest itself emotionally and physically upon awakening.

Saturation

There is a real loss of pleasure in the role of mother, with a feeling of being fed up and the impression of being in the permanent sacrifice, and therefore of no longer taking pleasure in being with her children.

Affective distancing with your children

Exhaustion no longer allows you to find the strength and energy to invest in the relationship with your children. A mother in burnout pays less attention to what they tell her or listens to them with a distracted ear. In addition, she no longer places as much importance on what they experience and feel. She also no longer shows as many signs of love and is content to perform compulsory tasks like an automaton: driving them to school, preparing food for them, putting them to bed …

Guilt and shame

This last point is particularly accompanied by negative emotions such as guilt and shame. She realizes that she is no longer the mother she was. She no longer recognizes herself and is ashamed of the parent she has become.

To be in maternal burnout is to experience a mental load and an emotional load at their peak.

Read also: Mental load and emotional load, what is it and how to get rid of it?

Solo mom and maternal burnout: how to get out?

Once the burnout is proven, it is essential to get out of this state. Doing nothing will worsen your physical and psychological health. Here is what you can do to find your role of mother in a more serene way.

# 1 Rest

This is obviously the base but it is nevertheless what is the most difficult to do. When to find the time to rest when the days are not long enough to do everything? Tell yourself that giving yourself real moments of rest is essential to get better. To do this, go to bed earlier, even if that means leaving a little mess in the house. Also, take advantage of every moment of calm to relax. You can try meditation and breathing exercises to relax you.

# 2 let go

Along with rest, letting go is essential on the situation. Indeed, you have to know how to accept not being able to control everything, not to be perfect and especially not to put unnecessary pressure on yourself about everything. Releasing the pressure will allow you to relax, and that won’t make you a bad mother.

Read also: Behind the wall flows an initiatory novel river of letting go

# 3 stand out from the eyes of others

Leaving a little room for improvisation in the organization of her life as a mother is nothing serious. You should not force yourself to do everything well, all the time, because of the possible gaze of others. What matters is your well-being and that of your children, not what other people think. There will always be judgments about your role as a mother and even more when you are a solo mom. Learn to detach yourself from anything that is not constructive and listen to advice only when it is benevolent.

Read also: Blennophobia or fear of the gaze of others: how to get rid of it?

# 4 Make your children more independent

Depending on their age, of course, it is important to give your children autonomy, in daily tasks for example. Their participation will allow you to save time but also to offer them new responsibilities. Put away their toys, help set up and clear the table, so many little things that will bring more serenity to your single-parent family life.

# 5 learn to say no

Negotiation is an almost innate art for most children. And it is not easy for a mother to say no to her children. And then sometimes, it must be admitted, the fatigue is such that we give in and we say yes for another cartoon, for another cake, for another story. Let’s be honest, to have peace for even a few minutes. Then again, if it’s okay to give in sometimes, but setting limits and teaching your kids that no is no is a good way to take a hell of a lot of stress off yourself.

Read also: Strong woman: the characteristics of a strong and independent woman

Solo mom and maternal burnout: how to get out? 5 other tips

# 6 take time for yourself

As with rest, it is not easy to find the time to take care of yourself, to relax, to disconnect with your role as a mother. And often, we do not allow ourselves, for lack of time or money, preferring to focus on moments of relaxation with our children. Only, in order not to crack, not to be just a mother, on the contrary, you have to take time for yourself and without guilt. Going to the hairdresser, doing a beauty treatment, shopping, having a drink with friends, going to a movie or an exhibition … It doesn’t matter, as long as you take an hour or a half-day from time to time just for you and to recharge your batteries.

# 7 Seek help from those around you

For this, do not hesitate to ask for help from those around you to help you or look after your children from time to time . If the father is present and you get along well despite the separation, take advantage of the moments when your children are with him to think of you. If this is not possible, your family or friends can also take over for a few hours, one night, a weekend to allow you to rest, or every week at a fixed time to allow you to let off steam during a activity just for you.

# 8 Don’t feel guilty

At each of its stages, there is one essential thing to remember: above all, do not feel guilty. Resting, taking a day off at work for yourself, having your parents babysat one night, all of this doesn’t make you a bad mother. Guilt is often a solo mom’s worst best friend. But being a mother should not be reduced to sacrificing yourself for your children, it is important to think about yourself and your health, both physical and mental, so as not to aggravate your burnout.

Also read: Solo mom: how to deal with guilt

# 9 Get help from a professional

If all this is not enough, that the burn-out is too installed, that you do not manage it alone, do not hesitate to seek help from a professional. Talk to your general practitioner about your condition and / or make an appointment with a psychologist who will be able to support you in order to help you get out of this cycle. A maternal burnout is not to be taken lightly.

# 10 Give meaning to your life

You are a mom, moreover solo, but not only. Remember that your children need you to be healthy, they want you to be happy. And if your role as a mother is obviously essential, you are also a woman and not just a mother. Find the right balance, the one that suits you to give meaning to your life, and allow you to fully develop yourself . Burn-out is the inability to project yourself because life has become a succession of obligations and fatigue. By redefining your priorities, by taking care of yourself, you will be able to get out of them.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *