Solo mom and loneliness: how to manage?
Say it with a letter
There are things we would like to say to those we love. But we do not always know where to start, how to find the right ones, to convey the right intention. Today, we help you get started and send the most beautiful letter:
Mom or dad, solo or not, our children are our reason for living. Of this there is no doubt for most parents. We love them with all our heart. But to think that by being a solo mom, you will never be alone is to hide your face. Already because we do not make children to keep them under our wing all their lives. And also, because on a daily basis, the reality of a solo mom is made up of loneliness, it should not be denied. If the days often seem too short to do all there is to do, if the incessant babbling of children makes you forget that you are alone, it is indeed the case. As an adult, as a parent, as a woman, a solo mom finds herself alone to handle everything. And sometimes the feeling of loneliness can be extreme. So how do you go about finding a good balance in your life? To be a happy single-parent family, a happy solo mom and a fulfilled woman? Solo mom and loneliness: how to manage?
Solo mom and loneliness: How to deal?
Being a solo mom can be a personal choice, a joint decision with the father or a reality experienced when there is an absence of the other. In all cases, the reality of life becomes the same. We find ourselves at the head of a single-parent family , taking care of our child (ren) on a daily basis. You have to manage activities, trips back and forth, appointments, schedules, homework, sometimes arguments, small and big ailments in addition to your work and the smooth running of the home.
It is therefore a more than busy schedule that a solo mom must assume. It is therefore not uncommon for a mental and emotional load to come into his life.
But, when a solo mom sometimes cracks , she knows she has to get up. For the well-being of his children, to offer them the best. And then she clings to all the joys inherent in her life as a mother and there are many. Children are a reason to live, to fight, a motivation to move forward. All the special moments with them are so many good memories and positive energy to store.
It therefore holds, at all costs, even if there are many moments of solitude.
Read also: Single-parent families, how to manage your first vacation as a single parent?
The great moments of solitude of a solo mom
We don’t realize, by becoming a solo mom, that we are going to experience so much, alone. Really alone. We take the weight of our loneliness right in the face and it is then difficult to put on a good face. To put things into perspective sometimes. We find ourselves confronted with situations made to be shared, experienced in pairs. Only, this is not possible when you are a solo mom. So we are alone to face a lot of situations. Single…
- To worry about her children when they are sick or sad
- But also to celebrate their progress, success or success
- In family reunions or evenings with friends as a couple (the last wheel of the coach)
- To cry when the varnish cracks, with no shoulder to rest on
- To make a decision about his children, his job, his future, with the fear of doing wrong
- And only to explain to her children the reasons for the separation , the absence of their father, this new family pattern …
So how to manage this weight of loneliness, how to put it into perspective and change the situation?
Read also: Exhausted solo mom: how to go up the slope?
Solo mom and a feeling of loneliness: a real novelty?
You are solo and therefore you sometimes feel alone, it is a reality. No one will come and tell you that is wrong. The company of her children, as beautiful and precious as it is, can in no way replace that of another parent or adult.
But when you think about it, all these situations where you feel lonely, didn’t you already undergo them for some, before? When you were still in a relationship with the father of your children?
There are reasons for your celibacy and your status as a solo mom, each has a unique story. But for each case of separation, one can find similarities and common reasons.
Read also: How to mourn your family life after a separation or a divorce?
Loneliness makes you a strong person
Certainly, you are the only one to tremble when your child has a fever, alone to prepare for his birthday, to encourage him for a competition or an exam. You are alone to make decisions, to manage the household, to cry when nothing seems to be right.
But wasn’t it already? Weren’t you already desperately alone in your relationship, or at least it was just like? Didn’t you feel more and more often that you were managing everything on your own? To assume everything, decide everything? Weren’t you already crying because of him, because you were unhappy in your relationship?
Yes, and this is what you need to rely on to face your current feeling of loneliness. Better to be alone than badly accompanied says the proverb and it is even more true in your case.
Yes, you are the only one going through all of this, but above all, tell yourself that you no longer have to put up with your old discomfort. And in addition, today, you are proud to manage everything on your own, to be there for your children. You remain dignified, strong and combative . To not give up and do the right thing without worrying about the gaze of others when it does not bring anything positive. So if this loneliness brings you all of this, it is ultimately beneficial .
And if for the moment you only allow yourself to cry alone in your bedroom at night under the duvet, tell yourself that solo mom does not rhyme with absolute loneliness. You have the right to crack and you have the right to say it, and to share your emotions.
Support to feel less alone
If there are things for which we will always be alone on a daily basis, do not be afraid to ask for help. To seek support from those around you. There is no shame or guilt in asking for advice. To his friends, to other mothers, to his family, to a colleague. It is normal to sometimes need to open up, to confide in yourself or to look for solutions other than yourself when you feel like you have reached an impasse.
Above all, you have to know how to surround yourself well . We rarely escape value judgments when we separate with children. There will always be clumsy, curious, malicious, sometimes toxic people to meddle in what is none of their business. To criticize, judge, condemn. These people are to be avoided.
The importance of a caring entourage
What you need is a healthy, sincere, caring family and friendly environment who love you, your children and you, and who want you to be happy. As such, parents, brothers and sisters, cousins and cousins, friends, colleagues will always be attentive ears and strong shoulders to listen to you and console you.
So do not hesitate to confide in, ask for help to look after your children for example. Family and true friends are there for that, solidarity is essential.
Other solo moms
It is possible, to feel less alone in your role of solo mom, to get to know other solo parents . And so to feel understood and create a new social circle in which we will feel good. Through the school, an association, via forums or groups on social networks, you will find solo mothers like you among the millions in France.
Read also: Distress letter from a solo mom to other solo moms
Solo mom and loneliness: How to deal with emotional loneliness?
Talking about loneliness for a solo mom is also talking about emotional loneliness . By becoming a solo mom, we become, for an indefinite time, or rather become single again . It is a sentimental reality to be re-tamed. While it is true that this is not the priority at the beginning, with his single-parent family life to be organized, it can become so later.
Many solo moms stay single for a long time, the time to take their marks, to organize their new family life. And then it’s not easy to find time to meet people , depending on the type of childcare in force, or to manage to project yourself with another man.
It can take time to gain confidence. You may also not want to “rebuild your life” at all.
Read also: Celibacy and emotional loneliness: the importance of loving yourself
Emotional loneliness: one of the forms of solo mom’s loneliness
We rarely escape moments of spleen when we are single again, many situations tend to remind us. The famous dinner with friends all as a couple, ditto for family reunions. Or the activities that you don’t want to do alone (a cinema, a restaurant, a vacation…).
This loneliness is easier to manage in the sense that the solo mom is the decision maker . She alone chooses if she wants to meet someone, make a place in her life, embark on the adventure of the blended family one day.
Obviously, you have to find the “right” as we say and that can sometimes take time.
Feeling good with her loneliness as a solo mom
In the meantime, it is first of all essential to feel good in your life as a mother and a woman , alone with your children, without a man.
Once this balance has been found, once this loneliness has been apprehended, his life organized, his close entourage solidified, we know how to better manage these moments of loneliness. We learn to accept them, to put things into perspective, to see things differently, to take a step back.
And if one day the loneliness is stronger than the other days, that doubt creeps in, that the fed up takes up too much space, remember that you are doing everything for the happiness of your children but that you also count. So call for help if necessary, get out, clear your mind without any guilt. And don’t forget that to be a top solo mom, you can’t forget to take care of yourself .