How to stop suffering in love?
Say it with a letter
There are things we would like to say to those we love. But we do not always know where to start, how to find the right ones, to convey the right intention. Today, we help you get started and send the most beautiful letter:
Associating love with suffering, isn’t that paradoxical? Yes, if you think that love necessarily makes you happy. No, if we keep in mind the fact that to love is to take risks. To risk not being loved in return, to risk losing the object of your love, to risk suffering, therefore. So, is it true to say that when you really love, you always suffer a little? Or is it a limiting belief? Is it possible to always be happy in love and never to be in pain? Or should we accept a part of the suffering inherent in the feeling of love? When we fall in love, we do not control what happens to us and it is as if, unconsciously, we accept the risk of experiencing suffering one day. Do we have to suffer in order to love and love in order to suffer? All these philosophical-love questions tie knots in the brain! How to stop suffering in love? Here are some avenues for reflection in order to try to see things more clearly.
How to stop suffering in love?
Dissociate the notions of love and suffering
The first thing to do, to stop suffering in love, is to stop associating the two concepts. Love is one thing, suffering is another. When love hurts, something is wrong with the love state. It is the sign of a problem, of an incompatibility , of a dysfunction . Indeed, a love story causes pain only when it does not work. We must then consider this state of affairs as a trigger to solve the problem, evolve, question ourselves, or leave. It is a sign to change things and not the proof that love necessarily hurts.
Suffering is a symptom of poor functioning of a romantic relationship and not proof of necessarily painful feelings. In short, the hurt happens in love. We don’t choose it. Suffering, on the other hand, depends on us : sometimes we refuse to get better, because we think that our suffering is proportional to the love we feel. The more we suffer, the more we love. In any case, this is the idea that we have of love: we must necessarily suffer to really love, if I am not suffering, it is because I did not love him.
Read also: The fear of losing the other in love
Amorous suffering: personal responsibility or universal truth?
Are we responsible for our love choices as well as for our decisions and our actions?
Of course, we do not choose to fall in love, it happens, it cannot be controlled, it is a proven fact for everyone. But imagine sharing a relationship with someone, projecting two … All of this is a matter of personal choice .
Even if it is often very beautiful, very rosy at the beginning of a story, very quickly you can see if certain factors will be a problem. A character trait, a mania, a flaw, different habits …
But we think about compromises, concessions, the richness of differences, we let our hearts speak and we tell ourselves that we must know how to take risks in life and that in love, not everything can be perfect.
To accept this responsibility is, often, to gain prudence. But for others it is too often to launch into a relationship that will be unbalanced.
Read also: Destructive love: all the signs of this love to be avoided
Many couples develop on this model. One of the two partners has the power, the ascendant over the other. Usually he gives little. The other has, on the contrary, the impression of carrying his couple, of doing everything. In other words, he gives a lot and receives a little. What you give is up to you. Sometimes we get exhausted in relationships, giving too much to win love. And we become that person who gives without receiving, who feels unloved, unhappy and therefore in pain.
Feeling pain in your relationship is the symptom that it is dysfunctional. It is therefore a choice whether to undergo it or not, it is a personal responsibility . But we see that many relationships know this pattern and therefore that this association of love and suffering seems to be universal.
Why ? Because many confuse love with attachment or emotional dependence , others with domination or manipulation in love . This is the sad reality of human and romantic relationships in particular. If we can speak of universal truth, there are nevertheless solutions to minimize the sources of personal suffering in love.
Read also: Ending a relationship that hurts: testimony
How to stop suffering in love?
Accept that pain is part of love
Pain is a completely natural emotion that allows you to say goodbye to a love, to turn the page, to mourn. This grief expresses the feeling of sadness experienced during a romantic break-up.
When you accept your heartache, you let go and easily let go, as with all your emotions that you accept to accept and then let go.
But when you have been conditioned to believe that it is wrong to cry, to let go, or to blame someone who has hurt you, then you have a hard time breaking free from your pain, because you have learned, out of fear and guilt, to hide it.
The continually repressed grief becomes suffering, heartbreak, grief or distress, which are negative, dangerous and unnatural emotions. You must therefore accept and digest your suffering at all costs so that it does not overwhelm you.
Read also: Being in love is not just about making love and sharing a good time
The fear of suffering for fear of not being loved?
The fear of suffering in love often finds its origin in the fear of not being loved. Self- estrangement , lack of self-confidence, inferiority complex … This can have several causes but most of the time, this fear of suffering goes back either to childhood, or to the parenting scheme, or it was born as a result of ‘a painful separation.
If we feel unworthy of the feelings of love with the other, then we will necessarily develop limiting beliefs and negative emotions that will condition our perception of a romantic relationship and the feelings that are linked to it.
These fears are therefore often at the origin of unbalanced, unhealthy, sometimes even toxic relationships. Fragile people attract dominant, manipulative people or place themselves in a situation of emotional dependence, become possessive or jealous.
And that obviously only exacerbates the suffering in love. Becoming aware of your weaknesses, knowing your love profile in a way, is making sure to suffer a minimum in love.
Read also: Limiting beliefs: The exercises to be done to free themselves from them
How to stop suffering in love? Concrete solutions to suffering
Dissociate suffering from self
Define the pain you feel and describe it as it is, instead of letting it define you. It can be hard to face reality when our world falls apart and we find ourselves faced with disappointment, betrayal or separation. It can be so painful that you can hardly bear the grief.
However, you have to come to terms with this suffering before you can move on. By describing these negative feelings, you can separate them from your personality . It’s good to feel those emotions, to accept them, but the point is to understand that what happens to you does not define you. You are not a weak, null person, without a future, because you are suffering for love. To accept it is to put the first stone in the edifice of your personal reconstruction.
Also read: 16 positive thoughts from the Dalai Lama that will give you courage
Practice positive thinking
Appreciate all that is good in your life. To do this, get rid of your negative feelings. Think positively . Realize that filling your head with negative thoughts can destroy your life. If you catch yourself ruminating on negative thoughts, block them immediately and find a way to thwart them and replace them with positive or concrete thoughts . To do this, use positive affirmations to focus on the essentials in order to review things positively.
Learn to rebuild
If you recognize your share of responsibility for what happened to you, you will be able to give yourself the means to find yourself, to rebuild yourself and thus to flourish. This doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty or ashamed. Rather, you need to honestly examine your suffering and learn from it. You can flourish and learn from every experience, even after a heartache.
By doing something right for you every day to take care of yourself, you can forget about this suffering and learn to develop self-love, one of the most important forms of love that a person can ever have. This will allow you to better apprehend love later and to suffer less.