Exhausted solo mom: how to go up the slope?

Exhausted solo mom: how to go up the slope?

Say it with a letter

There are things we would like to say to those we love. But we do not always know where to start, how to find the right ones, to convey the right intention. Today, we help you get started and send the most beautiful letter:

Which of us has never thought: “I can’t take it anymore, I’m going to crack” … Some dare to say it out loud, many prefer to be silent. Harder than ever, the role of mom, and especially of solo mom? Mother exhaustion is real, almost inevitable in today’s environment, where single-parent families are on the rise. Exhausted solo mom: how to go up the slope?

Exhausted solo mom: how to go up the slope?

Becoming a solo parent means combining roles and responsibilities, facing a tiring rhythm and sometimes sinking into exhaustion due to too much mental stress . So yes, being a mother is a real pleasure and becoming a solo mother is a role assumed, the well-being of the children is a priority. However, should we feel guilty for being exhausted, sometimes having trouble keeping up with the pace, feeling that we are going to crack? Faced with this reality of life, the important thing is not to feel guilty and to accept not to be a “  wondermum  ” H24. It’s normal not to be able to manage everything on your own all the time. You feel that this fatigue becomes chronic exhaustion, that you can’t get out of it? Here are some keys and tips to help you do this.

Being a solo mom, an impossible challenge?

It is indeed not easy to switch several times a day from the role of mother to the role of professional, to constantly run against time, to manage a schedule that does not support improvisation and threatens to slip at the slightest. grain of sand ! Being a solo mom means being a cook, nurse, driver, housekeeper, teacher or teacher. 

Read also: Distress letter from a solo mom to other solo moms

It means having a permanent “to-do list” in mind  that you cross off as you go along (don’t forget to buy milk, make an appointment with the dentist, bake a cake for school, compose menus for the week, go to the parent-teacher meeting…). But this list is filling up faster than it is emptying. And above all, being a solo mom means constantly asking yourself if you are doing well, if you are patient enough, available, if you devote enough time to your children, if you are giving them the right weapons for their future …

The weight of society

And this role is all the more difficult to hold since it often disturbs the professional entourage, in particular the hierarchy, does not always interest the friendly circle and opens the door to family judgments. No one wants to hear about it; or almost. The message of the company is a little: “you wanted this child, this separation too, don’t come and complain that it’s too difficult to manage!” “

Result :

mothers, especially solo moms, clench their teeth in silence. We must indeed dare to say it loud and clear: if having a child is an immense happiness, it is also a situation which exposes women to intense physical and emotional fatigue , especially when they are alone raising their children.

Solo mom exhausted from tugging too much

So when the weight becomes too heavy to carry, you have to accept that you can’t handle everything on your own. You have to know how to let go before you totally crack, ask for help, find tips to alleviate this tiring rhythm on a daily basis.

You are not a machine, a robot. If you don’t take care of yourself , get enough rest, or devote some time to yourself, this exhaustion will become chronic and it will be very difficult to come back up.

Here are some tips and tricks to help you get out of this gear.

Exhausted solo mom: how to go up the slope?

Disassemble the guilt trap

First and foremost, don’t feel guilty about being exhausted.  Fatigue is not a failure, it is a normal feeling when you take on the mountain of tasks you take on. All mothers go through this. Some are more resistant than others (or better helped!), That’s all.

Read also: Dealing with guilt when you’re a solo mom

The perfect mother is a myth , and there is no such thing as a myth! You have the right to be annoyed, impatient, or even downright angry. That doesn’t make you a bad mother, and just because you will do less one night doesn’t mean your children will be worse off.

Solo mom: take time for yourself

Stated this way, it seems impossible . When and how to have time for yourself when you juggle back and forth between the nursery or the nanny, work and school, your job, shopping, homework, sores, meals, cleaning, activities children, medical appointments? Yes, when  ?

Time for yourself at home

Start slowly, but surely. Even ten minutes, alone in the bathroom to breathe, it already feels good. Or when the children are in bed, a bath, a good book, a series before you collapse with fatigue in your bed. Yes, there is the rest to manage, the dishes, the business for the next day, the bills, etc … But taking a few minutes for yourself once calm is established is important to end the day more calmly.

Maintain a social life

Easier said than done, it’s true. It is not always easy to find the time to go out, to see your friends. Lack of time, therefore, of availability , because it is necessary to look after the children and also sometimes lack of financial means. This is where you shouldn’t hesitate to call on those around you when possible. If a babysitter is too expensive for you, turn to a friend or family to keep your little ones together for a movie, a drink or a restaurant with friends.

Read also: How to make room for your love life as a solo mom?

If you have a respected day care system with the father on weekends and / or vacations, plan in advance your moments of relaxation and outing when your children are with their father. So you can rest and take your mind off things.

Accept outside help when possible

You can’t do it all on your own , you just have to accept it and stop blaming yourself. And also, tell yourself that you are not essential – at least not 24 hours a day! The feeling of omnipotence of mothers is a trap. Learn to delegate, to leave your child in the care of another person, to “drop out” of your role as a mother and to have fun outside of your family.

Mamy, aunty, uncle or even godmother who comes to take your children for a walk or even a night, in order to ensure you a moment off at home, a real night’s sleep or an evening with friends, it feels great!

Organize your living environment well

It is important to create the most pleasant living environment possible so that you feel at home with your children. And this also involves rituals for them and for you (at bedtime in particular, but also a special cartoon evening, board game, picnic or pizzas per week for example, etc.) in order to share moments of relaxation and not just evenings to run in all directions.

Read also: The organization of a solo mom

Empowering children to take charge of certain tasks is also a good thing depending on their age, they can help you with some verysimple”  chores  “. Clearly tidy up their room, put or clear the table, hang out the laundry, sweep the broom… So many little tips to save time, lighten things up and share daily life in a more relaxed way.

Surround yourself with kindness when you’re an exhausted solo mom

As we said previously, those around them are not always tender with the exhaustion of solo moms. Between disinterest, incomprehension or judgment , we are not all lucky to be able to count on our family, a best friend, or a nice colleague to listen to us, advise us and help us. It is therefore important to find attentive and understanding ears .

What could be better than sharing your experience with other solo moms?

Finding support from other single mothers can only help. Exchanging experiences, sharing tips and hearing that you are not the only one going through this, it helps to put things into perspective and recharge your batteries. If you don’t have the opportunity to meet other solo moms directly, there is still the internet . Do not hesitate to go to forums and groups on social networks  to find virtual girlfriends. You will also be able to make new friends because of this.

Exhausted solo mom: preventing burnout

When physical and psychological fatigue builds up, it becomes exhaustion . To do too much, to not succeed in resting, associated with an increasingly consequent mental load , this can lead to  depression . We speak of “maternal burn-out”.

Read also: Solo mom and depression

Exhausted solo mom: what are the signs that should alert you?

It is the frequent urge to cry , the awakenings in the night despite the tiredness , the withdrawal despite the efforts we made to be there, the mental and emotional overload . It’s a dangerous spiral if no one understands what’s going on. Are you empty, do you feel worthless and ineffective, do you want to give up everything more and more often? Don’t stay isolated.  The worst mistake you can make is believing that you can do it on your own. 

Speak about it right away to a trusted loved one who can help you see more clearly. And go see your doctor who will help you put your emotions in order and may refer you to psychological support .

Read more articles on solo moms:

  • How to rebuild and move forward when you’re a solo mom
  • What jobs to do when you’re a solo mom
  • How to get by financially when you are a single mother
  • The reality of a solo mom
  • Solo mom and money

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