Unhealthy jealousy: what solutions to get out of it?
Become aware of its value
It’s all about self-esteem in jealousy. If we are afraid that the other will cheat on us or leave us for someone else, it is because we doubt our own worth. Because if not, why would he / she do this to us?
If you were truly aware of your worth, if you had confidence in yourself, you wouldn’t have to be afraid. Because there is no reason for your partner to hurt you. And if that were to happen, it just meant that something was missing in the relationship. But that has nothing to do with your worth.
Give him his freedom
When we are jealous, we want to own the other, as if he were our property. This is why we need to control it: know what it is doing, when, and with whom above all.
Just the thought of losing that person makes us anguish. But by wanting to possess it, we take away its freedom. And to be in a healthy relationship, you have to feel free to be with the other, knowing that you have the possibility to leave if you want to.
One cannot take away the freedom of the other even if one would like to; we can’t control it. Hence the importance of gaining in self-confidence, to finally accept to give back his freedom to the other, and to trust him.
Stop comparing yourself to others
Jealousy also involves comparing yourself to others. We wonder every time if other people could be better than us, if they are worth more. “What if he finds her better than me?” “
We finally come to constantly devalue ourselves, and to think that we are not good enough. While you are more than good enough! Comparing yourself to others does not make sense, because each person is unique and has unique qualities. And remember that if your partner chose you, it is for a reason!
Learn to manage your emotions
To get out of sick jealousy, you have to learn to take a step back from your feelings and thoughts. Learn to manage your emotions because what hurts the most is to suffer, not to have control over yourself.
It is suffering from their emotions, anxiety and not being able to help but search their phone when their back is turned.
So when you feel this fear, this anguish, try to take a step back with your emotion. This fear is not you, it does not define you. You can successfully break away from it, accepting that it is a simple reaction to an event, a gesture that reminds you of past trauma.
This fear of losing the other is a defense mechanism of your brain, to protect you. But when it becomes an obsession, it is necessary to tame your emotions.
So when you have a doubt that he / she is arguing with someone else, when you are convinced that he / she is seducing another person, say to yourself that it is is a simple hypothesis created by your brain to protect you. And ask yourself these questions: Do these signs I see represent reality? Are they not amplified by my fear?
Communicate in the right way with your partner
It is important to talk to your partner about how you are feeling. Play with transparency and honesty to explain to him what scares you, and so that he can have the opportunity to reassure you.
There is nothing shameful about suffering from unhealthy jealousy, and daring to talk to him about it will strengthen your relationship’s confidence and bond. Tell her that you are suffering from this situation, that you would like to get out of it, but that right now you cannot control your emotions.
This will help him to better understand your attitude, and with a little luck he will pay attention to less activate your fears, and will support you in your desire to tame them. Communication in the couple is the basis of everything.
Let go and dare to trust
To love is also to accept the risk of suffering. Risk is part of the romantic relationship. So yes, it is possible that he will cheat on you or leave you for someone else one day. As it is possible that this is the case too. But there is no reason for this to happen, so try to let go and live life to the fullest .
Accept that the worst can happen, like the best. This is how life works, and that’s why it’s so amazing. Everything that happens makes sense: if what you dread ever happens is that it had to happen, and that in no way calls into question your worth.
If your partner leaves one day, it is because the relationship was no longer fulfilling for him / her. And maybe it wasn’t for you anymore either… And if that happens, something better awaits you later. I am convinced of it.
Finally, remember that mistrust attracts mistrust… And trust attracts confidence. By deciding to trust your partner, by showing him that you have confidence in yourself, in him and in your relationship, you inspire him confidence.
Conclusion: get out of sick jealousy
To get out of sick jealousy, you have to become an actor / actress of your emotions. Choose to no longer be a victim, no longer to suffer, but learn to tame your feelings on the contrary, by accepting them. This can take time because it is often a suffering that has been anchored for many years in the unconscious. Being accompanied by a professional is often necessary to completely free yourself from unhealthy jealousy.
But this release is really worth it, to be able to live your romantic relationship in a more peaceful way. And making efforts to restore confidence as the basis of the relationship is also a very beautiful proof of love …
Here are a few articles on unhealthy jealousy that might interest you:
- Why jealousy in love is dangerous and unhealthy
- 7 signs that prove that the person has unhealthy jealousy
- The differences between jealousy and possessiveness