How to comfort a person who has lost a loved one?
1. The essential skills to comfort a person who has lost a loved one:
– The word comforts
Death is scary and we avoid talking about it for fear of bringing out old archaic fears present inside us. However, it is important to let the person talk about their feelings . Being able to express yourself on a subject allows you to free yourself and move forward. You must give him the opportunity to speak to you in order to help him exorcise the evil that inhabits him .
Your friendship is important because it is your role to talk about this sad reality. There is therefore no point in dodging the subject with jokes or suggestions for outings to help him change his mind.
– Don’t beat around the bush
When you have your friend in front of you, offer them your condolences . In this way he (she) will know that you are aware and that you are ready to help him / her on the road to mourning. Show him / her that you are there to support him / her and do not hesitate to give him / her a hug. In this kind of situation, you are afraid to do too much, but know that signs of affection will do your friend good .
You can tell her about the times you all shared together. Don’t hesitate to remind him how unique and magical this person was . Getting straight to the heart of the matter will help him get out of his pain and torpor. Show him that you are there and that you will do everything to help him get through this difficult course.
– Be yourself to comfort a grieving person who has lost a loved one
Since death is a taboo subject, we might tend to do a lot of it for little. You have to be truly yourself, otherwise your help will be of no use. No need to overdo it! To comfort a person who has lost a loved one , we therefore avoid ready-made sentences like: she (he) is better in heaven / she (he) would have wanted you to be happy / you have to move on … . This kind of statement makes no sense and will not help. If you can’t find the words: don’t say anything, but be present!
Read also: Letter to comfort a grieving person
– Accept without judging
Your friend may not speak: accept it. Some cannot say a word, because the evil is so great that it plunges the person into silence . In front of you, he (she) must be able to be himself, because he (she) will have to give a false social appearance to others. But in front of you, he (she) must be able to feel free to speak or to be silent.
What matters is your presence which accepts and does not judge . If she (he) decides to verbalize his hurt, it is because she (he) knows that she (he) can do it without any risk of judgment. You will not judge! You will be there to welcome what your friend gives you.
– Don’t be a living stereotype
In the face of death, we tend to do and say what is not like us. It is often said that time heals wounds: do you think this kind of phrase will help your friend? No !
Losing a loved one means being amputated forever… Time has nothing to do with history. To comfort someone who has lost a loved one, you need to be a source of positive energy for your friend. There is no point in anchoring meaningless stereotypes in his brain. Ditto for the stages of mourning which have 5 phases: we forget! We are in reality and not in theory . Everyone reacts differently to grief.
2. The essential know-how to comfort a person who has lost a loved one
– Crying is freeing yourself
It could be that your friend is crying all the time and you get stuck in this kind of situation. You have to accept this situation, because you cannot change it. Hug your friend and allow him or her to feel comforted by your empathy.
– Be there to comfort a grieving person who has lost a loved one
Your friend is lost and unable to act as usual. He / she needs you to be present to help him / her. It is important that you are ready to be of service to them in the weeks following the death of the loved one .
You can, for example, cook him food, help him to do the housework, be present for his children… Be there to allow him to face the situation. With a lot of time, persistence, and understanding, you will see a change in your friend. He (she) will eventually come back to life and regain a taste for his or her existence.
– Act as you would like us to do for you.
You have to be able to put yourself in the background for a while out of pure altruism. Empathy will be required and a goodness of heart will be required.