To our toxic story: I don’t want to love you anymore
I left. I blocked it from everywhere, I don’t want to love it anymore.
I started to cry and suffocate screaming at myself that I didn’t want to love her anymore.
I screamed so hopefully convince my heart to stop .. . I ended up leaving, leaving everything.
Why leave if I love him?
I think it’s because I like him too much, because I like him badly. So much so that it becomes unhealthy and I am unfortunately aware of it. Or fortunately. I do not really know at the present time.
I love him so much that I want to own him… I love him too much and sometimes not enough.
I love him obsessively, I love him excessively so as to forget the being that I am.
I love him to hate myself for loving him too much.
My actions often go against my love for him.
A big part of me knows that I should never have continued this relationship but it took me almost 3 years to have the courage to leave despite the tearing of my soul, my heart.
I believe that when we started we found ourselves in the sadness and loneliness of each other, that’s why we held on so much.
We were a glimmer a little tip of light in our tunnel of endless woes.
I think we escaped, but unfortunately the better to destroy ourselves.
During our time apart, we suffered from it, but when we got together we always ended up loving each other too much and me wanting to own it too much.
We were two young people of 21 and 22 years old a little lost who were going to live the experience of love. Toxic love more exactly, an unhealthy and destructive relationship .
At the dawn of my 24th birthday, I decide to put a real end to our story, I decide to stop destroying us although he has also destroyed me, but I think it no longer has of importance.
I believe that the best thing to do is to make this decision to leave in order to save ourselves, failing to have been able to save our marriage .
It’s certainly horrible to leave like this without really saying it, but we know our hearts will always hold us in this kind of situation.
I firmly believe that this is the time for him to experience new things, to meet new people and to open up to the world.
Take advantage, you just turned 25 to put your life and your heart in order.
Despite all that we have been able to live I believe in you and in your capacities to accomplish great things.
I apologize for not being able to love you differently. For simply loving you TOO MUCH.
I apologize for all the harm done and I forgive you even if you did not apologize on your end.
I will never be able to forget our history despite the wounds and the tears shed, I have matured.
I don’t know if I would heal from all of this, but I will make sure that I always have light in my tunnel of woes.
To you to me to us .. To our toxic history.
Please be happy.