M & H’s miraculous love story: I find him in prison 9 years later
Our very first contact was in June 2007 through instant messaging which was MSN Messenger at the time. During our very first interposed exchanges, I already knew that he was going to be someone important in my life . We can, in this case, speak of intuition. An ambivalent game of seduction very quickly took root in us. The hypersensitive being that I am has blindly plunged into an obvious emotional dependence .
Until now, we have always been more or less geographically separated because he lives in the south-east and I in the north-west of France. We both lived at the extreme poles of each other’s countries . We are opposed and at the same time complementary like the symbol of Yin and Yang.
A few months ago, I realized that the reminiscence of my sentimental blockage was in a prison cell under the nut number 46451.
Hamza had been imprisoned for a year for an offense relating to the sale of narcotics. I knew that he had approximately a few months of incarceration left before his final release. Mine couldn’t wait! My mind monologized at length on this before taking a morning parlor at the end of July . I was paralyzed at the idea of seeing him again in this unusual circumstance after so many years.
On D-Day, I remember going through a whole maze of corridors, each darker than the next, accompanied by a prison supervisor.
My eyes rummaged here and there on the walls where sullen pictorial representations were affixed. I imagined a multitude of scenarios as I visualized his reaction to me. I entered a cramped room set with two black chairs attached to a very damaged rustic wooden table. With a solemn turn of the key, the overseer closed the door behind me. I was ages away from experiencing a passionate reunion worthy of a moving romantic film. I remember the frenzy that went through my body while waiting in this room.My chest was struggling to hold back the symphonic back and forth of my heart, and my whole being seemed to be playing a perfect melody of yesteryear. The same one played, nine years ago during our first physical meeting in the south of France. What joy after so many years to find this enthusiasm to rediscover his first love!
While waiting, I tried somehow to hide this inner surge.
I was holding the key to a padlock firmly in the palm of my hand when it appeared through the door opening. My heart shorted it a bit. It was him with a refinement of certain features of his face. His dark eyes sparkled with youth. The detached air and the eyes filled with mischief; he came forward to greet me, putting his arms around me. I was surprised by this unusual outpouring of affection for H. in normal times. This act so sweet nevertheless transported me. I never thought for a single moment to live this moment during a visiting room. I felt him so vulnerable, he who previously seemed too proud to express his emotions. We discussed for three quarters of an hour alternating words and bursts of laughter punctuated by furtive glances. I was trying with a clever ploy to decipher his non-verbal communication on the sly.
I had unconsciously put this key on the table and he grabbed it mechanically.
This key had the privileged access to my heart which was henceforth accessible to him. I sincerely wanted him to openly express his feelings. We smiled at each other while establishing an old-fashioned little game of seduction. Our hands brushed incessantly. His hand caressed my face which made me shiver. The increase in body energy between us was palpable. We were forced to have a minimum of body contact. The words had no more meaning only the gestures took on a literal meaning. When the warden returned to announce the end of the parlor, I felt him dejected. His eyes darkened; he stood up with a start. He picked me up firmly in his arms, placing a light kiss on my forehead and then walked away. I then sent my hand a kiss against him through the glass door but he was already gone. I accepted the momentary separation. I realized that he had taken the famous little key with him. I started to panic when he ostensibly arrived looking confused to bring it back to me. Our meeting had made it impossible for him to control his emotions. During this parlor, time seemed to me suspended.
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This shock helped to ease my questions as to the nature of his past intentions towards me.
I understood at the end of this brief exchange with him that there was no fault. Finally, we were just two teenagers to discover the first emotions of love. In this sentimental story, we were two to suffer. I just hoped that after this interlude between the two of us, he too would forgive the immature young woman that I had been. I was very jealous of his wives who were able to share time with him because until now life had only offered me half a day in his company. In the end, it was the trials of life that brought us together again. He will soon be released from prison and our love story will finally be able to light up our lives. We plan to continue our life together no matter what …
For many years, I kept this very ambiguous emotional bond with him, thinking I was too weak.
I now realize that it is quite the opposite. I preserved this attachment to be able to access a better evolution of my being. Today, I thank him for having caused the extension of the cracks present in me. On his human scale, he succeeded in making a radical change in my vision of these events. He is a person dear to my heart. I’m no longer afraid to love him unconditionally because he’s a masculine part of me. He is my twin flame .