The 10 commandments to stay sexy at the municipal swimming pool
With the approach of summer, you are all looking for the hair, the extra pounds, and you slander the first hairless, slender and tanned kitten who passes you quietly under your nose, legs in the air , while you sweat in your jeans.
The solution ? The municipal swimming pool!
At a lunch break, on weekends, when leaving work …
“Swimming pool” is great, “municipal” is less so!
10 little tips to take into account to keep a minimum of dignity in chlorinated water.
1) The beanie
When you get to the pool, leave your hat and goggles in your bag. You will put them in the water, the goal not being to disguise yourself as VocaPeople.
Once in the cabin, be careful to bury your lingerie (whatever it is) in your bag, it would be silly if they fell on the ground, they get caught in your thong and gently accompany you to the pool.
3) The psychological preparation shower
Hop! In the shower, before the cold shower. Setting the mood… Little stress? Understandably (they should really publish La Piscine Municipale for Les Dulls). But try to hold your bladder to the toilet, the little trickle can be seen even in the shower!
4) The footbath stage (or wart tray for close friends)
Argggh, just the word gives me buttons. Make no mistake, this is not the little bath. Go quickly on your way, and calmly join the pool, without panic attacks.
5) The choice of the corridor
Phew, that’s it, your whole body is in the water, and you’re ready to show off your Manaudou talents. Check the hallways though. Your motivation (which I don’t doubt) doesn’t make you faster. It would be silly to find yourself in the row of the pros or swimming lessons while you adopt the look “little dog in the Channel”!
6) The shouting match by the lifeguard
That said, if you feel like you are weakening in the middle of your first length in a well-flowed breaststroke, and the water aerobics vibe seems more tempting to you, hide against the wall. Getting yelled at by the lifeguard because you drown in 20 cm of water, it sucks!
7) The stampede
Like a mermaid, you glide on the water, do you feel light? Be careful, the big hairy in the distance is backstroke, there is better to make a friend than a hydraulic shock with the double of Philippe Lucas!
8) The diving board
Do you want to be the warrior? Never mind ! Attempt the angel’s jump from the top of the 5-meter diving board? That is ! But be sure of yourself, ladies. Climbing the stairs, measuring distances, making the sign of the cross… and turning around, we avoid…
A confidence to your girlfriend must be studied! It is necessary to cover the cries of the children, the noises of the ploufs and to overcome as best as possible the deafness due to the water which has infiltrated badly in your ears! Take care my dear ones, the swimming pool resonates! The failed joke made public is average.
10) The (swimsuit)
Come on, it’s good, you swam well, you are relaxed. Obviously, we end with the ultimate mistake! The jersey that rebels. Quick little check before reaching the ladder, it takes 10 seconds, and it prevents your left buttock or your right breast (and more if you like) to see the country!