Recoupling: Good or bad idea?
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
Do you know the term ” recoupling “? It is an Anglicism to designate the idea of giving yourself a second chance as a couple. These are therefore couples who separate and then get back together after a more or less long period of separation. But why go back to her ex if it didn’t work? What is the point and what are the benefits? Every couple has their reasons, some get back together for purely physical reasons, others because they can’t really find love again, others remarry outright or others just have a tumultuous relationship from the start that alternates breakups and reconciliations! So recoupling, a good or bad idea? It’s up to you to make up your own mind!
Recoupling: Good or bad idea?
Separate the better to find each other?
Many couples experience lows in their relationship. The daily grind, the routine of work and children have a lot to do with it. Little by little, we let ourselves be won over by this life, leaving the couple aside and the romantic relationship suffers greatly. Some couples no longer finding solutions and no longer being able to get along because of all these reasons end up separating. At this moment, neither of them find any other way out to fix things, they think that they have reached the end of their relationship.
Once separated, this is where they start to open their eyes . They tell themselves that maybe there was something to do, that they gave up too quickly and they feel a lack of the other. They also realize that love is still there … So they gradually get back in touch, put things straight and find each other slowly, as at the beginning, trying not to make the same mistakes and to start again on a good basis. . For this we must “mourn” the old history even if neither of them obviously forgets, but it is important to make a clean sweep of the past and look to the future.
A second chance for a new story
At a time when divorce is no longer exceptional, when we separate too quickly and for the wrong reasons, recoupling finally seems almost banal . Many couples have faced this situation before, regardless of their age. Some find each other quickly, others take longer, there are no rules. A second chance is therefore sometimes the solution to problems . Some couples arrive at the time of the divorce with their respective lawyers to settle their separation and in the end the words are released and the divorce almost becomes marital therapy.
Everyone learns from their own mistakes and sees more clearly. Anger and resentment disappear to give way to regret and sadness . The couple therefore give themselves a second chance and feel stronger and more mature. Despite everything, you have to be vigilant because getting your second chance and rewriting a new story is not always easy, you should not reproduce the same pattern and do not forget either that those around you were upset by this ephemeral separation. So be patient because the old grievances are still present despite everything and only ask to arise if you go too fast.
A stronger couple where the “bad” becomes the “good
The reproaches were often the same and more and more regular: “you work too much”, “you don’t look at me anymore”, “you let yourself go”, “there are only for the children”, “we don’t both do nothing anymore ”. These hurtful little phrases had become everyday and shattered your relationship slowly but surely.
You felt frustrated, angry, helpless, and more wanted. The incomprehension was total in your couple, you sometimes had the impression of living in a shared apartment , finished the words of love, the tenderness and the hugs of the first days. So all this leads you directly to divorce, you have the impression that communication is broken and that there is no other alternative. And then, all you have to do is make this divorce concrete so that you can each open your eyes on your own.
Why have you come to this? For so little and for trifles? What seemed unlivable a few months earlier seems to you to be bickering today. You realize that bad times can easily turn into positive ones. Separating ultimately helps to work on oneself and to realize what one has just lost, the essential and the lack that is creating. The “bad” becomes “the good” and your relationship comes out bigger and stronger.
The entourage difficult to manage during a recoupling
We can therefore see a lot of positive points in recoupling, but it is obvious that there are also bad sides and managing the entourage is one of them. Most of the separated couples who give their story a second chance encounter a first difficulty: to have this decision accepted by those around them. It is indeed difficult to make them admit after all these difficult moments, sometimes very violent arguments, that you are giving yourself a chance and that happiness can make its appearance again.
With or without children, family and friends will necessarily get involved . Everyone will agree: some will be very critical and defeatist , others will be very happy for you. And if you have children the reaction can also be very varied. It is indeed sometimes difficult for children to go through this flashback when they had already had great difficulty in overcoming the separation. The fear of this happening again is very present.
Either way, you know that you will have a hard time reiterating to those around you that everything you criticized about your ex is finally forgiven and forgotten. You will need a hell of a force of persuasion and surely concrete evidence for those close to you to believe it. Now, if your loved ones only want you to be happy, they will understand your decision and support you, even if it takes them a little while.
Don’t go too fast and learn from your mistakes
For the reunion to go as well as possible and especially to last it will imperatively be necessary to take stock of your failure and learn from your mistakes . You cannot resume as before since, let’s be logical, it is your habits and the “before” that caused your relationship to break up. Things must change, that you too must change. You have to reinvent yourself as a couple and for that it is imperative that everyone has done work on themselves and recognized their mistakes.
To get out of this crisis, you need to be clear- headed and mature . You miss the other one, it’s a fact, you realized that it was the man or the woman of your life it’s perfect. But be careful not to forget everything that made you leave at a time. Idealizing the other will not get you going . Communicate, lay it down, take it slow. You have the advantage of knowing the qualities and the faults of the other and vice versa so do not repeat the same mistakes.
What about long-term recoupling?
So here is the long-awaited and dreaded question … In the long term, can recoupling work? The answer is probably yes, but under certain conditions. As said before, it is vital to evolve and question yourself so as not to repeat the same mistakes.
Here are some more concrete tips: never be afraid to say “I love you” and above all to prove it with lots of attentions , not to try to change the other , to leave independence to the other and for yourself. even, to be present and tender, to communicate without stopping, not to let the daily life and the routine nibble you, to listen to the other and his couple …
Succeeding in his recoupling, his second chance is a constant job, but as with every relationship. Love is not a long quiet river, everyone will understand it!