My wife criticizes me all the time: what to do?
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
Your wife is someone who has easy criticism, hasty judgment, especially with you. She lacks patience, kindness or empathy and what you say or do rarely lives up to her desires. Reproaches, criticisms, mockery, she is sometimes cynical, even scathing, and that hurts you more and more. You have been patient but now you can’t take it any longer and you know that this is not the way to communicate in the couple. It is obvious that there is a problem, that loving yourself is not that and you want that to change. For this, you need to understand the situation and advice on how to get out of it. My wife criticizes me all the time: what to do? Here are some tips to follow to solve the problem if it is still possible and, above all, to take care of yourself.
My wife criticizes me all the time: what to do?
Unhealthy communication within the couple
Your wife, you loved her and that’s why you married her. Certainly, she has character, but you did not expect to experience such a situation, which is more and more toxic. The more time goes by, the more difficult it is for you to live with her and continue to love her as you would like, so much she puts you down.
Indeed, your wife does not know how to communicate with you without criticizing you. She brushes aside what you say, what you do is never good enough. In his eyes, there is always something wrong.
Is she manic, perfectionist, bossy? Worse, is she a manipulative , narcissistic perverse tendency , who wants to control everything and impose everything?
In a relationship, the abuse can be psychological and women can be verbally violent, like men.
My wife criticizes me all the time: a way to infantilize you?
It is often said that a woman, by doing so, infantilizes her husband . In psychology, it is believed that the basic need of women is to be secure . Unlike men, who above all need encouragement . This difference often causes communication problems. Hence the famous repeated reproaches “Why don’t you tell me anything?” “ Or for everyday trifles like ” You forgot to go to the dry cleaners again, it’s always the same with you! “
Indeed, nothing satisfies her, she moans about everything and holds you responsible for everything. Most of the time she shows bad faith. And it ends in two ways: either she ignores you, or she seeks conflict.
Her reactions make it possible to understand who she is. Is it really worn out by some of your flaws? Are his criticisms well-founded, sometimes, often, never? Is she hurt too? Or is it purely and simply trying to demean you, to silence you, or on the contrary to push you into your entrenchments to create an argument?
The way he does it, and if the criticism and blame becomes incessant, about anything and everything, then it is much more serious than a brief excess of authority. We then speak of a belittling spouse.
How to react to this?
My wife criticizes me all the time: what to do?
Identify the nature of his complaints
Among your wife’s criticisms of you, take a few moments to sort it out. Are any of them founded? Does she criticize you about anything and everything or on specific subjects? How do you feel ? Sad, angry, hurt, humiliated, resigned? A person who feels disparaged within their relationship must express their feelings on their own behalf to regain their individuality.
And ask yourself: “why do I let myself be put down? “ This may be a lack of confidence or emotional dependency . Also out of laziness, resignation or the hope that things will calm down if we do nothing.
It is also common for a woman who belittles her partner to lack self-confidence. She feels obligated to put the other down in order to benefit from a feeling of superiority . If it goes further as seen above, it can unfortunately belong to the category of narcissistic perverts. There, it is not a question of a malaise on his part but of a balance of power and a permanent need for domination.
Take the time to talk about it together
The first step in trying to work things out and find good communication within the couple , to move forward, is simply to talk about it together. Make her understand your discomfort, give her examples so that she realizes how much she hurts you. Tell her that you can’t stand her attitude anymore, and that you would like her to stop.Be open to her explanations, tell her that you are ready to hear what is bothering her. If these are suggestions that make sense to you, and you think you can put some effort on your own, show them that you can improve. Thus, she will see that there is no point in criticizing you, that it is better to speak calmly when something does not suit her. And it will change the way it works.
If, on the contrary, her reproaches are unfounded, that she refuses to speak to you or that she gets angry, then be firm in making her understand that you refuse to continue like this. You are not her child or an employee, you both have flaws and she doesn’t have to treat you like that. Don’t let her regain control of the discussion with her usual means by using blame and criticism.
My wife criticizes me all the time, what should I do? Reverse roles
Would she agree to you doing the same? That you talk to her badly all day long, that you belittle her, blame her for all her actions and gestures? Make her realize that she too is far from perfect, but that doesn’t mean you spend your time criticizing her. That to love and live together is to respect each other and to say things calmly when things are not going well. But that we do not build anything by humiliating the other.
If the communication is not successful, then reverse the roles and have no qualms about doing it. Sometimes it takes a strong act for it to act as a trigger , a trigger in the other . What would she say if you were the one launching the criticisms in your relationship? Take her example, and criticize everything that doesn’t please you about her in her way of doing, of speaking, of being. Thus, she might realize that her criticisms can be hurtful, and question herself.
If she loves you, is intelligent and caring, she will understand that she has gone too far and she will adopt a different behavior, realizing that this is not what she wants for your relationship. Rediscover peaceful exchanges, a serenity in your relationship could make him understand that his way of doing things was not only the wrong one, but above all hurtful for you.
Don’t look for excuses indefinitely
It is very likely that his behavior and his way of communicating in your relationship have their origin in a malaise. Lack of self-confidence, refusal to face things, need to control everything… The one who criticizes the other is often the partner who has the most things to reproach and resolve. But also remember that this unhealthy behavior can turn toxic to you. So at some point you will have to stop making excuses for him all the time and trying to justify his attitude. If you have been patient, have started a dialogue, accepted a questioning, made an effort and nothing works, then it is no longer your responsibility to act to fix things.
Nothing can indefinitely justify his negative behavior towards you. If it originates from her romantic or family past, but she refuses to admit it and change it, it’s not for you to do it for her. To refuse to face the situation is in a way to give up improving it. It is disrespectful to your relationship, they cannot continue to devalue you like this. You can help her figure things out, but you can’t have the awareness for her or the urge to change. Only she can want it and do it.
Avoid getting into his game
Switch roles at a key moment following an attempt to communicate to make him understand things, yes. But go into his game and start doing the same thing almost daily, no. This is not the solution and it does not sound like you. Of course, it may seem tempting by dint of endless criticism, but in the end it will not solve anything. And most importantly, you are better than that .
Responding to your wife in the same tone as she risks breaking off communication in the long term. This is a reaction that will only aggravate the current already tense situation. You will then enter into a destructive spiral, a vicious circle from which you will have difficulty breaking out. And above all, you will not recognize yourself and will end up hating her and hating yourself as well.
Ask your loved ones for advice
You don’t wash your dirty line in public, as the popular saying goes. You are not a man to talk about your relationship issues, nor to complain to your family or your best friends. But there comes a time when you need help figuring out what’s going on, putting the responsibility slider in the right place in your relationship, and building your self-confidence back. And then tell yourself that those around you are not fooled and that if your wife is with you all the time like this, they must have realized it.
Being belittled in a relationship is difficult to accept and often even more so for a man. The ego takes a hit. Besides, a belittled person may not realize that he is in some form of hold . But discomfort or even withdrawal are all signs that alert family and friends. If you are bad, they will see it and want to help you. Do not reject their help, it will be invaluable to you. The role of the entourage is fundamental in this awareness. Comparing the speech of the spouse with that of loved ones can help bring your wife off her pedestal. How do they perceive it? What is your share of responsibility? So many clues that will help you regain self-confidence and adjust your mode of communication with your wife.
My wife criticizes me all the time, what should I do? Leave if nothing changes
Unfortunately, things may not get better. If, despite all of this, your wife is in denial, or worse, that the situation gets worse, you should consider leaving. She can be toxic, perverse narcissist, bad about herself, whatever. In any case, she has things to sort out but she doesn’t want to. You’ve tried everything but nothing helps, you don’t have to endure over and over again. Staying is dangerous for your self-confidence and your emotional and psychological balance.
Indeed, belittling is a form of psychological harassment . The purpose of words or actions is to devalue the other. This can lead to a situation of confinement or loss of bearings. If there is no real realization on her part, your relationship is most likely toxic. In this case, we must give ourselves the chance to flourish elsewhere. And for that, there is sometimes only one solution to take care of yourself: to leave your wife.