My in-laws pretend I don’t exist, what should I do?
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
Relations with in-laws can sometimes be a source of misunderstandings, arguments and tensions. The stereotype of the mother-in-law who does not love his daughter-in-law or the cliché of the father-in-law who does not appreciate his son-in-law die hard. It is as if the “attachments” were not suitable enough in the eyes of their in-laws. So at worst it creates conflict and at best indifference. In both cases, it is the couple who are the victim and the whole family who endure an unhealthy climate and little inclined to pleasant family reunions. Is this your case? Do you have a difficult relationship with your in-laws? They ignore you, barely speak to you, ignore your opinion and you can’t take it anymore? My in-laws pretend I don’t exist what to do ? Here are some answers to help you take action and regain serenity.
My in-laws pretend I don’t exist, what should I do?
First of all, you have to have an overview of the situation in order to try to know why you are in this situation.
You don’t feel included, even excluded, and you can’t take it anymore. If you are convinced of this, then you will have to act. First, make sure your in-laws aren’t so distant from everyone. Perhaps it is a question of education, of behavior?
How are your in-laws with their family, friends, and other daughters-in-law or son-in-law if they have any?
If their indifferent or unpleasant behavior towards you is true, then it’s time to ask yourself the right questions.
Why is my in-laws pretending I don’t exist?
The bond with their child, your spouse
It is often said that a mother tends to forgive her son everything and that a father will seek to overprotect his daughter. What about your spouse with his parents? What relationship do they have? Are their relationships good, balanced or strained? This is often the starting point to take into account.
A special event
Did anything in particular happen that would explain their behavior with you? Did the presentations go well between you and them? Do they still have a connection with your partner’s ex? Did you have any disagreements about an event? Do you come from different backgrounds, from different origins? If you are a mixed couple , no matter at what level, unfortunately your “difference” can sometimes explain your non-integration. Try to figure out if there is a reason for this situation.
The bond with their grandchildren
If you’ve been in a relationship for some time now, analyze whether their behavior has always been like this or if it has worsened over time, especially if you have had children. Isn’t that the source of the problem? Do they want to see their grandchildren more often? Do they think you are not a good mother? That you are a bad father? Or that you make differences with your own parents? So many reasons that can create family problems.
You are not good enough for them
Sometimes, unfortunately, there is no explicit reason why they behave this way with you. And so it is impossible to find the key to the problem to solve it. Or sometimes you just have to tell yourself that they just don’t find you good enough for them and their child. The reason can be multiple: your physique, your social origin, your job, your religion, your way of being …
As long as they don’t like you and ignore you not for something you did wrong but for who you are , then tell yourself that it is absolutely not your fault.
My in-laws pretend I don’t exist: what to do?
You undergo reflections when you see them, or on the contrary you are never integrated (e) in the conversations. We don’t ask your opinion, we give low masses, or we contradict you . You are not considered, we are not interested in you, your opinions, your projects, your life quite simply. It’s like your spouse is living single and you don’t exist.
It is obviously unbearable. And the only person who can believe you, understand you and help you is your spouse.
Talk to your spouse
He or she can’t pretend it’s wrong. It’s not hard to see that family reunions are a torment for you and the atmosphere is electric. This also creates tension in your relationship; he or she is guilty of doing nothing and you are guilty of not being firm enough earlier. You have to make him understand things, their importance and the harm it does to you.
Ask him to support you
You are in a relationship, that supposes love, support and respect . By letting you face his family like this, he or she is not helping you. This is his role and he must understand it. His responsibility is there and he can no longer run away from her under the pretext of being afraid of hurting his mother or arguing with his father. These are bogus excuses, it is an adult person and not their little boy or their little girl, so he or she has to be assertive loud and clear.
My in-laws pretend I don’t exist: Talk calmly with them
It is necessary to ask to see them in order to ask them for explanations. Not at home, they would feel in a position of strength, nor in a public place in the event of arguments. At home is a good idea, it is your comfort zone where you will feel confident. It is more than likely that they will deny, take offense, or attempt to shy away from reality. Above all, don’t let the situation get away from you and confront your partner with his responsibilities.
Understand their possible reasons
The point is to understand why your link is nonexistent, unhealthy, or worse, toxic. You offer them the opportunity to explain themselves, it is up to them to seize it. You are ready to apologize if you have been behaving badly and ask if they have gone too far.
Make yourself respected
What is needed is to make yourself respected. You have nothing to reproach yourself with and on the contrary you want everything to go well. Sometimes such behavior is kind of a test. If you have never dared to assert yourself, your in-laws took advantage. Well that time is over! You are sincere and love their child and wish cordial relations. It is out of the question that you continue to suffer things ; they must understand who they are in front of them from now on.
Evolve the relationship if possible
If things are going well and the abscess has burst, you may want to consider changing the relationship to build a healthy and peaceful family relationship. If they have any complaints to make, regarding their grandchildren for example, it is time to hear them. Always remember that you are the good one and that it is not you who are in the wrong role.
My in-laws pretend I don’t exist: An ultimatum may be necessary
Unfortunately, this can obviously go wrong. If the situation is deadlocked, it’s up to you to see how much more you can take and for how long. Do you still see yourself years of suffering such indifference, such contempt for no reason?
Three options are available to you:
Acknowledge your defeat
You tried it didn’t work and you are afraid it will get worse. So you give up asserting yourself and changing things and you keep going.
Don’t see them anymore
The explanations weren’t conclusive, but you can’t take it anymore. You don’t want to see them anymore. Either you present it as an ultimatum to your spouse or he will go to see them without you from now on. Obviously this will create tension in your relationship. But there was already some anyway, right?
Separate you ..?
The situation is such that you cannot take it any longer and your partner will not agree to help you make things right or, if that has failed, he wants to continue seeing his parents. He doesn’t understand your decision not to see them anymore. Are you at an impasse? Ultimatum versus ultimatum. Either things calm down or they get worse. In the latter case, depending on the longevity of your relationship and the strength of your love, separation is sometimes the only possible solution for your peace of mind and your well-being to find urgently.