Micro-cheating: a new form of infidelity?
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For several years, the “lexicon of romantic relationships” has been enriched with new anglicisms. After the sadly now famous ghosting , came submarineing or even breadcrumbing (sowing crumbs to better keep the other under the elbow). Today, we are talking about micro-cheating , which could be translated as micro-cheating or micro-cheating. Is it micro-infidelity? Although recent, this term refers to a concept that is far from new, that of emotional infidelity. What exactly characterizes him? Micro-cheating: a new form of infidelity? Ambiguity? Lying in the couple?
Micro-cheating: a new form of infidelity?
Micro-cheating: what is it exactly?
Cheating in English means to cheat . The person who practices micro-cheating is therefore, quite literally, a micro-infidel. But what behavior does that mean exactly?
Micro-cheating refers to an interest in someone other than its “official” partner. This is a person who is emotionally and / or physically focused on someone outside of their relationship. And this “micro-relationship” develops, often virtually, at least at first, to end up looking like a flirtation.
Exchange of written messages on social networks, instant messaging or SMS, sending emails, or if it’s live, exchange of looks, smiles, jokes, confidences and innuendo.
Without going beyond the border of physical infidelity, micro-cheating is therefore neither more nor less than a very marked form of emotional infidelity .
This form of infidelity, often 2.0, is the bane of couples of 21 th century.
What are the signs of micro-cheating?
What characterizes micro-cheating above all is the notion of secrecy . Concealment, silence, little lies and false truths … We are not just talking about cultivating our secret garden – which is quite normal – but arriving at such a degree of complicity , ambiguity and even intimacy with another nobody but the one who shares our life, that one thus comes from it expert (e) in the art of the dissimulation. You hide this person, this relationship, this part of your life. Because you know that there is something wrong with having such a level of familiarity with a third person.
Beyond the fact that we all have the right to a secret garden and that we are not required to tell everything to our partner, the questions to ask are the following:
- Why do I choose to hide from him?
- What am I looking for in this relationship?
- Would I be okay with my partner doing the same?
We thus speak of “hidden flirtation” from the moment when the person is secretly in contact with someone, on social networks, at work, at sport and that they communicate secretly and very regularly together.
Concretely, a person who practices micro-cheating will:
- Share “private joke” and confidences on social networks
- Send messages regularly
- Minimize the seriousness of your romantic relationship
- Sometimes say that she’s single
- Enter a person’s name under a false name into their phone
- Develop a real connection with someone else (if a concrete encounter at sport, work, evening …)
- Say nothing to your partner / spouse
Why practice this micro-infidelity?
Micro-cheating, we don’t necessarily look for it, it’s not premeditated. It could be a chance meeting in the evening or an exchange that becomes too private on a social network. But if there is not necessarily premeditation, there is on the other hand very quickly a form of dependence on this correspondence exchange or these discussions at work on break, for example. The person who arouses this interest becomes central in your life, they obsess you so much that you develop an emotional and almost physical addiction to this link without even realizing it.
If we give in to micro-cheating, it is out of need or desire – as desired – to be loved, reassured about the fact of pleasing, having fun, shivering, testing oneself or even testing the health of his couple.
While there may be a good reason behind it, it does not take away the guilt of practicing such a thing if it is not in line with the values of your relationship.
Is this deceiving?
It’s emotional infidelity , no doubt about it. Now, does that mean that you are cheating on your spouse by doing this? And is this practice dangerous for your relationship?
The correct answer does not exist. Why ? Because everything depends on what you put in the micro-cheating and the intention that goes with it . Some people flirt for the simple pleasure of seducing or the need to reassure and go no further. For others, a real questioning of their relationship and their feelings ensues. And there it is panic : what was at the beginning a simple game of glances turns into a desire to know each other, to deepen and sometimes – often – to go from emotional infidelity to physical infidelity – to kiss. – then carnal – make love.
So it’s a question of dosage and measure, and it’s very personal : where do I feel on the infidelity scale? Do I just want to have fun or am I questioning my relationship? It all depends on your intention. It is therefore up to you to gauge whether “micro-cheating” is associated with infidelity.
However, if this trend becomes a secret long-term habit, your behavior is surely hiding a bigger problem in your relationship.
Each couple has their own limits and their vision of loyalty and infidelity .
A few likes on Instagram or Facebook are not very dangerous, but ultimately, what limits have you established within your relationship? It is according to this reality that you will be able to position yourself honestly in relation to your behavior.
Micro-cheating can be a slippery slope, so in order not to cross the red line and go from micro-cheating to outright infidelity, be honest about asking yourself the right questions.
It all depends on each couple, their values . Hence the usefulness of communicating at the start of a relationship to find out how each person stands on the issue of trust, loyalty and the commitment made together.
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