Living a Forbidden Love: Sarah’s Testimony
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
Love is not always synonymous with happiness. Sometimes a love story is considered impossible or forbidden. Because of morality most of the time, also of the law, the gaze of others who judge what is done or not done in matters of loving feelings and carnal relationships. And which thus point the finger at the differences which are considered incompatible. And this, according to the following main criteria: age difference , adultery and infidelity, religion, culture, skin color, social rank, authority or family relationship (boss and employee, teacher and student, members of a family by marriage, by recomposition, etc.). In short, there are many situations which cause, to varying degrees, impossibilities or prohibitions for two people to love each other and to form a couple. Thwarted, hidden, secret, stolen love which sometimes becomes impossible or forbidden because the weight of society and the family weighs heavily in the face of feelings. Living a forbidden love is what made Sarah’s daily life for over a year and a half. Here is his testimony.
I have been living a complicated love affair for over a year. Complicated because it is considered as such, considered as not recommended, disturbing, unhealthy, and therefore even prohibited for some. Make no mistake, my partner and I are not doing anything illegal, and we are in a totally consensual relationship. I’m an adult too, he didn’t force me to do anything either.
What made us want to be together? To brave this famous prohibition? Love, quite simply . It may sound silly, cutesy, if you will, but believe me when feelings are involved, I challenge anyone to struggle … And above all, it’s the strict truth. We love each other, period.
So why our relationship does not please morals, good morals, well-meaning ideas? How can our love bother? In which box of forbidden relationships are we? I do not think we are in what is considered the most serious for most people and their morals, even if we combine two major “offenses”!
The first: our age difference.
The second: our social or authority relationship.
He is my professor at the university, I am his student. We are 15 years apart.
Living a forbidden love with one of your teachers
But do not panic: I am of age, he is not married, I am not in a relationship, our families are not of diametrically opposed culture, religion or social rank. Well if that was the case, I admit that I wouldn’t care, but let’s say that we limit the damage at the level of the boxes that should not be checked!
No more jokes… Nothing unbearable, you might say! It is true that he is not married and that there is no risk of hijacking a minor.
If we forget our age gap, our problem is rather at the level of morality , of what will we say, of what is done or not done according to the university and its internal regulations. Indeed, if we do not do anything reprehensible at the level of the law, the fact remains that the university does not endorse the relations between professors and students.
I guess this can be understood. It is considered that this type of relationship where a person in the ascendant can pose problems for the institutions (favoritism, cheating, blackmail, bad publicity, scandal). And above all, they are reduced to sex and not to love; reduced to something dirty, inevitably unhealthy or a game of seduction on one side or the other …
I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, I’m just saying it’s not what I’m experiencing with A.
There is a little over a year and a half so I started on my first year of master is my 4 th year of college at age 22. Major then! I had a TD class and my teacher for the coming year was A.
There are things that cannot be explained in life, that there is no point in rationalizing and we know that love is part of it. It’s like that. A physical attraction, an attraction, curiosity, and the desire to see the other again, again and again. I was impatiently awaiting these 2 hours of lessons on Tuesday morning …
At first, I obviously called myself an idiot. The student who fell for her teacher, what a cliché… I shouldn’t be the only one, he was going to laugh, or find it ridiculous, or take advantage of it… In short, I was lecturing myself all alone in my head while continuing to fantasize about him every Tuesday in the metro.
Living a forbidden love: the day everything changed
And then there was that famous Tuesday when everything changed. The tipping point, the moment I realized that I might not be the only one struggling with this forbidden attraction. There are looks that speak volumes, smiles too, sensations, a kind of intuition that was starting to take up a lot of space.
The following week, we took turns interviewing him to prepare our future presentations. He obviously understood. My shifty looks and the red on my cheeks betrayed me.
After that, it’s like the whole Universe is conspiring to bring us together. I saw him everywhere: in the halls of college, at the library, on the metro platform. From hello to goodbye, from smiles to glances, our exchanges quickly exceeded the greetings from afar and the “how are you?” “
We were talking about my upcoming presentation, my studies, his training. Then we slipped towards more personal things, our projects, our visions of life, our desires. And there, it is as if our two sensibilities recognized each other, as if one had been born to complete the life of the other and vice versa. Love at first sight is an incredible feeling, especially when it is total, not just physical. And even more when you feel that it may be reciprocal …
After a few weeks like this, seeing each other wisely while pushing back the inevitable, fighting against this desire to go further in the name of good morals, we cracked.
It was winter, it was dark early, and we took the metro together, in the midst of other students and teachers from my course, because we had a common seminar. As the stations progressed, the vacuum was created. But he stayed. He got off at the same station as me, and asked me if I would accept that we take a bit of the road together or that we go for a coffee. I accepted.
Our first kiss took place outside, in a pretty square near a brewery, at night and in the cold. He confessed to me that he had wanted it for weeks, but he didn’t want to get me in trouble or get in the way. And he was careful, suspicious, which I understood.
We needed to reassure each other of our intentions. He could believe in a hoax, in a bet between students. I could have thought that it was a pervert who flirted with all his students.
Yes, that side of the story could have been true. Moreover, it certainly is for many, alas. But fortunately, not for me, not for us.
I keep to myself the details of our privacy and our confidences. We saw each other regularly, far from campus of course, without trying to show anything on Tuesdays. We both knew we had too much to lose playing this. Because it wasn’t a game for the two of us, it was already a matter of feelings.
Living a forbidden love during the health crisis
Then happened the unthinkable for all; the health crisis and the first confinement. Paradoxically, this crisis was a facilitator for our new couple. The university closed, the video lessons, at a distance, we no longer had to pretend on Tuesday. Our relationship became letter and telephone during the confinement and then we were able to meet again. It brought us closer together and we developed our relationship like any couple, depending on health measures. Months passed and nothing seemed to show that we were wrong. We went on vacation together and when the next academic year started it was easier because he was no longer my teacher directly. We even went through the following confinement together.
However, we continue to be careful because I am still a student for a few weeks at a time when I write in the university where he teaches.
When my testimony comes out, we will be freed from this academic straitjacket. I will be on the road to active life and he will always do what he loves.
I never felt like I had done anything wrong, but I am relieved that no one has caused us any problems. The health situation has helped us a lot, it must be recognized and our discretion too.
Today, the only thing that can make us tick a box of forbidden love would be our age difference. I will be 24 and he will be 39. Nothing shocking or insurmountable in my opinion. We both lived before other love stories but it’s together that we want to project ourselves. The forbidden side of our history has never been the source of our passion, we have not fed on it. This is why our history is healthy; because we were able to build it despite and beyond this forbidden pseudo.