Jealousy in love: why it is dangerous and unhealthy
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
Jealousy in love is the desire to possess the loved one, which generates the fear of losing him for the benefit of a rival.
So we can think that jealousy is a proof of love , because it shows that the other is important to us. It can reassure the ego. In fact, in small doses jealousy is rather positive, because it allows you to be on the alert of a possible danger, that of losing a loved one.
However, jealousy can quickly create an anxiety-provoking atmosphere for the couple if it is not controlled. I explain here why jealousy in love is dangerous and unhealthy.
Jealousy in love is synonymous with fear and insecurity
No one is proud to be jealous. It is a feeling that is difficult to assume , of which we are ashamed most of the time. Moreover, we often speak of “crises of jealousy”, as if it were a psychological illness.
In addition, jealousy is an emotion that originates from fear. When we are jealous, we are not serene (e), and we do not feel safe in a relationship, because we anticipate the worst. We become anxious, angry; and it can turn into obsession and take up a lot of space in everyday life.
Jealousy in love shows a lack of confidence
In the other
If you are afraid that the other is cheating on you or leaving you for someone else, you don’t trust them. You don’t feel safe around him, and you can’t trust him.
The lack of self-confidence in the couple can be such that we will misinterpret their actions, we will monitor their calls, look at their phone when he / she is in the shower etc., because we are in a way persuaded (e) that he / she is hiding something from us, even if he / she assures us that this is not the case.
The problem ? Without trust, a couple can hardly stay together.
For as said Christina, Queen of Sweden from 17 th century: “Love is born of jealousy, but jealousy kills love”
Jealousy also demonstrates a lack of self-confidence. If you are afraid that he / she is cheating on you or leaving you for someone else, you subconsciously think that you are not good enough for him / her. You think you don’t deserve it.
Jealousy is ultimately a devaluation of oneself. Because when you have confidence in yourself, on the other hand, you don’t have to be afraid that the other is leaving. Indeed, if he decides to leave, it is because he has not been able to capture our value, and in this case we do not want him in our life, because we know what we are worth.
Jealousy in love goes against freedom
As I said above, jealousy is the desire to possess the other, to reduce him to a property, a good possessed. So the loved one is little valued, because he is locked in a relationship of belonging where he does not feel free.
Someone who is jealous is often going to be in control. He’ll want to know who you’re dating and will ask you not to come home too late, or to update him regularly. He might demand that you don’t wear that cute short skirt that flaunts you.
If we dig a little deeper into the psychological side of the phenomenon, jealousy is the refusal to merge with the other . This would come from childhood, when the child understands that he no longer merges with his mother, because she moves away to let him become independent, or when a little brother or sister arrives. .
These passages of life which may seem trivial are sometimes experienced as extreme suffering by some children. Hence the fear in adulthood of reliving this diffusion, of losing the loved one forever.
Jealousy can lead to toxic behavior
There are different levels of jealousy. And when this feeling exceeds a certain limit and becomes an obsession, even paranoia, it is what is called sick jealousy , which is of the order of pathology.
Freud even hypothesized that being jealous is also fleeing from one’s own desire for infidelity . Indeed, one would project on his partner his own desire to look elsewhere. “If I feel this urge, he / she must have felt it too. “
So the jealous would repress his own desires out of guilt, and instead attribute them to his partner. Nice ! This is what the psychoanalyst calls ” projection jealousy “.
To end with the toxic side of jealousy, we cannot count the number of crimes that originate from this feeling! You just have to watch the news reports on television… We realize that jealousy can create a real desire for passionate revenge .
So we know that this feeling, when it is poorly controlled, can destroy a couple, a friendship, a family etc. Hence the importance of learning to tame this emotion if we experience it on a daily basis and suffer from it, so that it takes up less space.
Conclusion: jealousy in love
Jealousy in love is ok in small doses and when you know how to control this emotion. The most important thing is to maintain a balance, so that it does not become an obsession. Because otherwise jealousy can easily destroy a relationship that could have worked.
So remember that to love in a healthy way is to want the happiness of the other above all, even if that must imply that one is not part of his life. To love is to give him his freedom …