It’s always me who suggests to see each other, what to do?
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
You just met someone you really like and things are going well between you. The only problem: it’s always you who offer to see each other.
Another scenario: you’ve been seeing someone for several months, but it’s not really official, you don’t really know where your relationship is going to end. But you would like him / her to get involved more often, and to take more initiative when it comes to meetings.
Because today you have the impression of being unimportant in his eyes, and you are frustrated that you always have to propose and adapt to his schedule.
It’s always me who suggests to see each other, what to do? Here are the possible reasons, and the solutions.
It is always me who proposes to see each other: the possible reasons
He / she is not really interested
He / she just isn’t as involved in the relationship as you are because he / she doesn’t want to go any further. And maybe he / she doesn’t dare tell you.
To find out if he / she is really interested, watch the signals.
Does he / she invest in the relationship in another way? Can he / she reassure you with his / her words and / or actions? Do you still feel important to them?
Is it in his nature to be distant and independent, or do you feel that he / she does not offer to see you because he / she has little investment in the relationship in general?
Does he / she answer “yes” almost every time you offer to see you? When he / she is not available on the date or time in question, does he / she offer you an alternative?
All of these questions help you know if there is really any interest on her part in continuing the relationship.
He / she does not know if he / she wants to go further
It is also possible that this person does not know what they want with you today. He / she may be lost and there are many possible reasons: already in a relationship, coming out of a breakup, having personal problems, or other projects in mind …
If in doubt, try to find out more in a simple chat.
He / she feels the need less
Each person has their own representation of how a couple should function, especially on the frequency of meetings.
You may need to physically see this person more than he / she does.
This often happens when one person in a couple is more dependent than the other. At first, when there are no feelings yet, it’s okay not to spend your days together, but it’s important that you quickly know whether you have the same outlook on what you want in your relationship or not. .
He / she expects you to do it systematically
Strange as it may sound, some people just don’t like to take initiative, either generally or as a couple.
In women we can evoke what I call the ” princess syndrome “, when a woman thinks that “it is up to the man to take all the initiatives”: it is a belief that still endures in our society. today.
It can also simply be a shy person who does not dare to suggest going out for lack of confidence in him / her. Imagine, if he / she offers you a date you don’t like, how would he / she feel?
This can also be the case for a person who is more comfortable in writing than face-to-face, and therefore who dreads these moments of physical proximity. In this case, it’s up to you to put him / her at ease.
There is also the profile of someone who does not like to plan (who lives the present moment to the full), so who leaves you the joy of the mental load …
If the other person waits for you to offer to see you each time, see if this person is possibly making efforts in other areas to take care of you, because they feel more comfortable, for example: he / she is attentive, he / she helps you cook, he / she writes to you often etc.
It is always me who offers to see each other, so what can be done so that he / she takes more initiative?
If you feel good in this relationship, and want your partner to take more initiative in your meetings, the first thing to do is to remain positive and pleasant in your exchanges.
Indeed, if you start to reproach him / her, to make him understand that it is disrespectful or inappropriate to never offer to see you, he / she risks stepping in.
You can first suggest that he / she take you to a place he / she likes without revealing the place to you, a bit like a game.
On the big day reassure him / her by showing him / her that you are happy to discover a place where he / she used to go. This can encourage him to start over because you maintain a positive circle.
Then, if not, be clear about your intentions for the relationship.
If you want a serious relationship with this person, you need to step out of the role of just friend or lover. Schedule a discussion to clarify your desires, and see if he / she is willing to follow you.
If necessary, open your heart to him and share your feelings with him, without showing that it is about demands on your part, or reproaches again. Because the reproaches make even less desire to take initiatives.
Be firm without falling into reproach. Share with him / her that you would like him / her to offer to see you every once in a while, as you would feel more important to him / her since you care about him / her. If it’s reciprocal, he / she will be touched by your words and want to make an effort for you, be sure.
Conclusion: what to do when it is always me who offers to see each other
If, despite your efforts and your discussions, the situation does not change, I invite you to stop wasting your time with this person. When you really care about someone, you make an effort to see them.
If it’s temporary and exceptional, why not. But this is a situation that should not last over time, at the risk of losing confidence in yourself and in the other. A relationship is two, not alone. So stop exhausting yourself, because your energy and time are precious.
You deserve to be a priority in the eyes of your partner, as you are.