I left my husband for my lover and I regret: Sylvia’s testimony
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
It’s always easy to have an opinion on a romantic relationship, to judge others on their relationship problems. But until we know the whole story, we can’t understand the why and the how. And above all, until you have had a similar experience yourself, you cannot really know how you would react. There are as many love stories as there are couples, that’s for sure. But what is also true is that all couples can one day face a crisis, adultery, separation or divorce. Leaving one man for anotheris nothing exceptional, what is more, is to regret it afterwards and to want to find his marriage, the man we married. This is the case of Sylvia, 41 years old. She gives us her testimony, “I left my husband for my lover and I regret”, without hiding behind false excuses and understanding today his mistake.
I left my husband for my lover and I regret: Sylvia’s testimony
“My story is undoubtedly banal. Ordinary. Sadly banal and ordinary at heart. I am well aware of it. But when we live it, it seems on the contrary complicated, it takes up all the space , it occupies all our thoughts, we only think about that. To the point of forgetting the rest, of getting lost, of not knowing what to do or who we really are.
My story is that of a man and a woman married for 15 years, of a couple who suddenly get lost, of a marriage that takes water, of a silence that s’ installed. It is the story of a man and a woman who love each other very much, who had projects full of heads, desires full of hearts, dreams to achieve together.
They realized some of them, they went through years in happiness. Without a doubt, yes I was happy. I was happy. For years.
So why didn’t the weight of this happiness weigh heavier in the balance at the fateful moment?
Because I was disillusioned ? Because of the midlife crisis ? Out of desperation ? Convinced that it was too late? Or because I believed that a thunderbolt was the solution to all my problems? That another married life, a new one, with another man, would give me back my lost happiness ?
My grandmother used to say that in her day when something was broken, we took the time to fix it before throwing it in the trash or replacing it. Metaphor of the couple so pragmatic but so true at the bottom.
I had promised myself that I would never put my marriage aside, that in the event of a crisis I would do everything to save it. I broke my promise, so sure then that there was nothing left to save.
Like many other couples I know, I told you, my story is sadly trivial in the end …
I left my husband for my lover and I regret: not so banal as that?
After 15 years of marriage, we experienced our first real relationship problem. Let’s say our first real crisis , with a total disagreement that did not seem to want to find a solution.
Settled in our professional lives, we have nevertheless always liked challenges. At least, that’s what I thought. I was offered a great opportunity in my job, one that you don’t want to refuse. The only problem is that it meant a mutation in the key . I was offered to take over the management of a new agency in Bordeaux. Personally, leaving far from the Paris region, launching a new challenge, improving the quality of life, all of this seemed very positive to me . I thought that this project would be a new couple project, that we were going to open a new chapter in our life. But I was wrong.
If I was ready, my husband, he wouldn’t. For him it was inconceivable, he did not want to change his life, he feared for his own professional future. Was he afraid?
I was very surprised but at the same time, I thought it would work out. That it just took time to organize ourselves and that, as every time for more than 15 years, we would be accomplices and solidarity in this new adventure.
Finally, he pointed in his refusal and his silent , after a simple “do as you like” I did not understand and that hurt me.
Where was our constant complicity? Why did I have the unpleasant feeling of suddenly not counting?
I made multiple trips to realize what was offered to me on the spot. At no time did I consider accepting on my own , so I hoped that time would allow the dialogue to resume .
Instead, I was treated in turn to reproaches or vengeful radio silence when I left. My husband made me pay for my round trips, I didn’t recognize him.
Why was he locking himself into the role of the scorned husband, what was he afraid of?
The weeks passed like this, to the rhythm of our couple who were no longer one… We were becoming strangers to each other, I didn’t know what to do. I thought about going back, but I realized that it wasn’t going to be enough, that something was breaking down between us. And that he was not telling me the main reason for his behavior. I didn’t recognize him.
At this moment, I did not want to sacrifice this project which seemed to me so promising for the future. I really thought I would open the doors to a better life for us …
My husband walled in his silence, we got lost over the days and from there, everything changed. I rocked.
While I was undergoing training, I got dangerously close to the trainer. This man had an effect on me that I could not control. It was coming into my life at a complicated time and I now know that in this kind of emotionally confused situation you are unable to think. And we certainly do not want it, we let ourselves be carried away.
We started a relationship, I became a woman who cheats on her husband, who has a double life, who has a lover.
How did I get there? Why did my marriage, which I thought was so strong, actually turn out to be so fragile? And love in all this ? Did I no longer love my husband? And he, did he even still love me?
It was impossible for me to continue this double life any longer, so I had one last discussion with my husband. Faced with his silence, his estrangement, his indifference, I left. At the time, I really had the impression that he wanted me to leave, that he didn’t love me anymore.
I accepted my transfer, I left my husband for my lover , even if that was not the reason for my departure, and I started my new life a few hundred kilometers from my marriage.
I expected him to file for divorce. He didn’t. The weeks passed, me caught in the madness of this new life, with this story in the background, and my marriage in suspense. It was a strange feeling, I felt like I had two lives, but no real place, I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I left my husband for my lover and I regret: I got lost in my life
My extra-marital relationship with this other man did me good for a while, I’m not going to lie. I let myself be intoxicated by the novelty, the game of seduction, the lightness. And the ease too, of telling myself that I was not starting this new life completely alone. Deep down in fact, I was scared …
I quickly realized that it was not with this man that I wanted to start this new life. If this project was so close to my heart, it is because I had planned myself there with my husband, full of dreams for our future.
I ended this relationship which never turned into a love affair soon after, realizing how much I was going astray. I saw the situation in a different light: what if I had been selfish, if I had not been able to reassure my husband?
So confident, so sure of myself, maybe I had been blind and deaf to my husband’s worries …
I quickly regretted, rejected outright my decisions, my error, this project.
I left my husband for my lover and I regret: can we meet again?
But how can we go back? And above all, how to make people forget, how to make me forgive this infidelity?
I got lost in my life and the only person able to help me, who had been my guide for years, was the person I had left.
How to find my husband, to save my marriage? Besides, is there something left to save, feelings on his side, the desire to find himself?
I am full of regrets and fears. But today, I need to understand why this life project which was to bring us together separated us, why he did not know how to speak to me or I did not know how to listen to him. Above all, we must renew the dialogue. He accepted. I am afraid but I will assume my responsibilities. If we still have a chance to understand each other, to find each other, I want it to be in all sincerity …
The future will tell me if my marriage still has a future and if there is enough love left between us to move forward together. ”