He is distant by text message: why and what to do?
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
While you are in a relationship or on the contrary, when you are starting a romantic relationship, your partner is distant. And this manifests itself above all in the way he communicates with you, especially by sms. Indeed, in his messages, you feel him cold, distant, little concerned. What’s going on ? Has it always been like this, but you feel it getting worse? Or does a particular reason explain his behavior? Does he play with you? And above all, how to react? He is distant by text message: why and what to do? Here are some answers.
He is distant by text message: why and what to do?
He is distant by sms: why?
First of all, it is important to understand why he is distant. Your reactions will indeed be closely linked to the reasons for his estrangement or his lack of communication .
Men are less communicative
Don’t be surprised, it’s common for men to be unattractive on the phone, whether it’s writing, voicemail, or calling. Their messages are often very pragmatic and their responses succinct. Indeed, it is not always pleasant to receive a simple “ok” when you hope for a developed response to a message. There is something to see red …
But understand that men do not have the same behavior as women in general when it comes to expressing feelings .
The notion of acquired
At first, depending on how you met, he was surely more receptive to messages, more romantic, more passionate? We must not forget that for many, this is part of the seduction phase. Small romantic texts , small attentions with ” good day ” and ” good night “, sexting to raise the temperature …
And then there you are as a couple. So acquired. And as a result, sms are rarer, shorter, more distant.
This is obviously not the case with all men, but it is true that it can be part of the way many men love them.
So you see, it’s not necessarily because of you or in relation to you. So, before reacting, relativize then if it is really unbearable for you, seek to understand before drawing hasty conclusions.
Is he distant by text message because of another woman?
Yes, we necessarily think about it, especially if the change is sudden. What if there was another woman behind that distance? He barely answers you, but has nothing to complain about, he sees his friends regularly, you don’t suffocate him, he doesn’t look stressed at work. Is this disinterest due to a more intense exchange with another woman? Before you put it into your head, carefully analyze all the possibilities and its usual mode of operation.
If you’ve been together for a short time
Start by giving him space. Maybe he would like to have more time for himself, or to initiate the messages. You don’t have to be the one constantly offering to see each other.
Of course, it has to be a wanted thing, because you don’t have to go through this relationship.
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time
You can no longer understand him, he wallows in silence, barely responds to your messages … Before drawing hasty conclusions, ask yourself where the problem could come from . Did he experience an emotional shock? Can he get stuck in an argument, something unsaid? Do you have something to reproach yourself with, maybe he is angry with you?
If the answer is no, take matters into your own hands, start a dialogue . Maybe he is unaware of his distance. In this case, communication is your best ally.
He is distant by sms: the 4 possible reasons
# 1 he has a personal problem
Men tend to want to deal with their problems on their own , without feeling the need to talk about them . If this is the case with your partner, don’t push if you feel they don’t want to open up about their problem, even in writing. Show him that you trust him . He will come back eventually, when he has solved his problem and is better.
# 2 he runs away from confrontation
Would he be a coward? Perhaps out of fear of conflict, of confrontation ? If he’s feeling under pressure because of your criticism , maybe he’ll take some distance to breathe a little and not get into a conflict.
In the worst case, he may be thinking about breaking up , but not daring to do so, so he will become distant until you can’t take it anymore, and be the cause of the breakup. , because he doesn’t want to be in the wrong role.
# 3 he’s afraid to commit
If you’re in the early days of a relationship, this man may be distant for fear of making a commitment . The famous fear of losing your freedom. So it’s important to take your time at the start of a relationship, and bombarding him with text messages if you don’t feel he is receptive is not a good idea. The fear of commitment in love is unfortunately more and more common …
# 4 He doesn’t have the ‘little trick’ for you
After a few meetings, he becomes distant, few messages, laconic answers, not really eager to see you again … Perhaps he has not yet felt this “little thing” that makes the difference, and is waiting. to have to. Or he doesn’t know how to tell you. Also possible that from the start, he didn’t want anything serious and that he already wanted to move on …
When you barely know the other, anything is possible. So you just have to accept that sometimes the desire to be together is not mutual , and especially remember that you do not have to question yourself for that. If he’s a good guy, he’ll act with respect. Otherwise, you haven’t lost much!
He is distant by SMS, what to do?
Now that you think you know why he is distant, if you want to work things out and stay in a relationship, here are several things you can do depending on your situation to make him react.
# 1 Identify your character
It’s the first thing to do. If he seems less involved than you, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. He may need to take his time, he is trying to protect himself from his feelings, or it is just in his nature. There are some people who may feel suffocated by an overflow or demand for attention. Take your time to understand who he is.
# 2 the cat and mouse game
You probably know this famous saying: run away from me, I follow you, follow me, I run away from you … Also, take some distance from him, just enough. That doesn’t have to mean ignoring her completely, but text her less , don’t try to be reassured about her feelings all the time, and play the distance card too. If he cares about you, that will make him react.
This is also called the mirror effect . If the gentleman is distant, then be it too! Do not run after him and do not be at his disposal, especially not! If it takes a long time to react, do the same.
# 3 Is he distant by sms? Test the radio silence
You can also try the method ” radio silence ” , which means to go further. There it is more a question of “you do not speak to me any more, then me neither” . This should only be done if the relationship has barely started and it leaves you without news for more than a day. Having said that it is true that it can be a great way to check if he is involved in your budding story.
# 4 Chase the natural, it comes back at a gallop …
Either way, don’t pretend you’re okay or going through this situation well if it hurts you. If you feel that this story may be worth it but its distance gnaws at you on a daily basis, you should talk to it . Okay, it’s important to compromise in a relationship, even at the beginning, but even more so to be yourself . You won’t change him if he’s silent, but you don’t have to change either. It remains to be seen what you are ready to accept.
If you are in a relationship with a distant man, communicate and defend your arguments . Show him that you are there, that his behavior bothers you and that you would like it to happen in better conditions. Never agree to submit to an unhealthy little game, chasing after him for days and days , especially not.
# 5 Patience is a virtue
He may need time to bond and feel confident, and this distance may be only temporary. Agree to give her a little time, but not too long either. See how he is on the phone and especially when you are together. After all, what is a text message worth if everything else is going well with you? Be patient, take the time to tame yourself and understand the other, in order to define together your way of communicating.
# 6 Don’t be taken for granted
Nothing is worse for a man than knowing that a woman is acquired. Do not be too available , whether you are in a relationship or not yet officially, and remain a challenge for him.
If he’s playing on your nerves because of his distance, don’t give too much of yourself in this relationship. A relationship is based on marks of mutual attention: we need to fill ourselves with what we receive in order to be able to return it and in turn give. If you give a lot and don’t get much in return, you could get lost. If there is no balance between you, calm things down a bit and give as much as you get. This can sometimes cause a click.
# 7 Watch out for unhealthy or toxic behavior
Some men can behave badly, even dangerous. One day they are distant and no longer answer you, the next day they are as gentle as lambs and bombard you with love messages. So either he suffers from bipolarity, or he is surely what is commonly called a narcissistic pervert , that is to say a manipulator . There are plenty of anglicisms that define unhealthy behaviors in current relationships. If you hold on to him while he is playing like this with your feelings and emotions, you will suffer and get into an unhealthy game that will be difficult for you to come out of. So don’t go in!