Fusion couple: How to get out of this dangerous mechanism?
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
At the beginning of a relationship, we have the impression of being one with our partner, we form a close couple. At this stage it is normal to feel a fusional passion for the other, and this is partly due to the hormonal changes of the romantic encounter.
But when the need for independence comes, for one to disband, it can be experienced as very painful for the other, who has become emotionally dependent.
What are the dangers of the fusional couple? How do you turn it into a healthier, more balanced relationship?
The dangers of the fusional couple
The problem with a fusional relationship is that you exist through the other . This can lead to negative consequences for the couple:
- A phenomenon of desocialization : we naturally cut ourselves off from loved ones in order to focus on our partner only.
- The limits to shares : one no longer goes out without his partner, we dare not act alone (e), try new things.
- A drop in self-esteem because we no longer exist as an individual, we blend in with the couple. We lose value in the eyes of others, and in our own eyes, because we only become “the wife of …”, “the spouse of …”. So we lose our own identity .
- A constant related anxiety separation . People who are in a close relationship feel anguish at the idea of losing the other, at the very idea of separating for a few days. The physical separation is seen as a heartbreak: the days of waiting are numbered and are experienced as uninteresting. The feeling of abandonment in the couple is very present.
- Of emotional dependence : there is often a lack of love for self , which we will seek to fill his emotional void with the love of the other, which we feed. But after a while, the other can suffocate and leave, because he feels an unpleasant pressure. This is why phrases such as ” I cannot live without you ” or “without you I am nothing” can be frowned upon in a relationship.
Intimate couple: The importance of rebalancing the relationship
Reconsider your image as a couple
I invite you then to modify your image of the couple , to get out of the dangerous pattern of amorous fusion.
It is cultural to think that the ideal couple is fusional ; it is also envied by many people. The fusional couple is also often represented in cartoons, love movies etc.
But it is an illusion to think that the couple is sufficient on their own, that life around them is no longer of interest.
We must therefore reconsider the image you had of the couple until now. The role of the romantic relationship is not to save you . You don’t need your partner to be happy.
Learn to see the couple as two distinct people, with unique personalities, and their own lives on either side. Two people who choose to share certain things without sharing everything .
Everyone must keep their life on the side, in order to be able to maintain a balance and meet their needs.
Gain autonomy and independence
You are your own pillar. Learn to rebalance your life, so that the couple is as important as the other areas of your life: family, friends, work, activities etc.
Dare to be assertive, say that you don’t agree when something doesn’t suit you, or doesn’t feel right.
It’s normal to disagree all the time in a relationship: it’s even healthy and stimulating. This makes it possible to have subjects for discussion, debate.
A happy couple is not made up of two people who agree on everything, but two people who have different needs and opinions, and who find compromises to preserve the relationship. The value of a happy couple is the freedom to spend time together, and sometimes to take time for yourself , each on your own.
Fusional couple: It is essential to learn to love yourself
Maybe you’re so good in your fusion bubble that you don’t want to come out of it. You no longer feel the need to see your family, your friends, you may not be able to concentrate at work for example. Understand that this need for fusion surely shows an emotional lack that you are seeking to fill.
Because if you had enough love for yourself, you wouldn’t need a partner to be happy and to feel that you exist.
So take time for yourself, learn to love yourself , to know yourself, so that you don’t have to look for your worth in the eyes of your partner .
Only you know your true worth, and you must love yourself before you love the other . You have to put yourself first because you never know what can happen. The most important thing is that you keep in mind that no matter what happens, you will always be there for you. Your partner is the icing on the cake.
Conclusion: getting out of the dangerous mechanism of the fusional couple
The fusional couple is not the ideal as we think, and it is important to take a step back on the risks of the amorous merger.
You are not just your couple, you are much more than that.
Your relationship is not the only thing that matters in your life, it matters as much as everything else. So take care of your relationship, of your lover, but don’t forget about all the other important things in your life.
The ideal couple is not the one you see in the movies. The ideal couple is the one you’re going to build together, with ups and downs, understandings and debates, shares and arguments, and that’s fine.