Ending a Painful Relationship: Testimony
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
When you love, you want to tell yourself that it will never end, but sometimes you have to face the facts, some stories are not made to last. When love is only defined by the number of tears it sheds, then it’s time to go. This is the meaning of the testimony given to us today. I had to end a painful relationship, Manon’s testimony.
Ending a painful relationship
By definition, love is something beautiful and it should never become a source of pain. And yet, we know that to love is to take the risk of suffering. In matters of feelings indeed, nothing is written in advance. A love story can make people happy one day and suffer the next, just as heartache can give way to the most beautiful love at first sight some time later. No, nothing is fixed in love , nothing is ever certain and that is why it is sometimes difficult to end a relationship that causes pain because we would have liked never to have to come to this.
Manon’s testimonial: I ended a relationship that made me suffer
Vincent and I, it’s a passionate love story that started very quickly, without asking any questions. We met at a party in the midst of mutual friends. The party, the music, alcohol too it’s true, the desire to have fun and let go have got the better of my usual seriousness. One dance leading to another, we spent the end of the evening glued to each other, talking, laughing and kissing.
The next evening, we saw each other again and the evening continued with a fiery night at his home. From there, we never left each other. For weeks, it was passionate between us. Messages, meetings, shared nights, we did not let go both literally and figuratively.
I had been afraid of a story without a future , it was not. I feared a purely physical relationship, Vincent proved to me day after day that he and I were something else. Exciting conversations, evenings with friends, outings. Over the months, I was reassured. We were young, in love and happy, I saw the future take shape in color by his side and for me the story was beautiful, there was no reason for that to change.
And yet, this is where it all changed. Or rather, this is where, perhaps, I opened my eyes.
Vincent loved the noise, the world, the night, the city. There were always friends, parties, last minute invitations. We were operating in the midst of a whirlwind of people and stories that I had long lost track of.
But above all, Vincent went out alone, often, or rather he disappeared . A drink with colleagues for an afterwork ended at midnight, an evening with friends became a sleepless night, strangers suddenly became his new best friends with his share of girls lurking around him. Me rather calm, I was lost in this life. And above all, naturally a little jealous, I was becoming suspicious and suspicious.
Where was he ? With who ? Why wasn’t he responding to my messages? And who were all these people he saw night after night?
The passion of the beginning was far away, and the bond that had been installed for months was crumbling. We spent little quality time together and he began to evade, to lie. I questioned myself, I didn’t want to become an emotional , possessive or sickly jealous dependent woman , it wasn’t me. Maybe I was asking too much?
The difficulty of ending a painful relationship
He finally managed to talk to me, to tell me that we were young, that we had to enjoy it, go out, party, meet people, have fun. That he was fine with me but that he did not want to shut himself up in our relationship.
I took it, even though I was in pain. I thought we really loved each other, that we were at a more advanced stage of our relationship than just “I’m good with you” . He had been clumsy, I was asking too much of him, that’s what I said to myself.
Even if our first incompatibilities told me the opposite.
Day after day it got worse and it went on for weeks. He came home late, I waited in vain for him, I could not reach him or he would fall asleep altogether. Besides that, our rare moments together were still strong for me, so I stayed.
I had become the one who waits, who hopes, who is suspicious, who accepts the crumbs. My friends told me that I was sad, not fulfilled, the shadow of myself. I canceled parties with them in the hope that he would come home, I didn’t let go of my phone, I became addicted, paranoid, unhappy and a bad friend.
And then there was the extra stuff , like in a bad show. The night too much, the glass too much, the girl passing through. He couldn’t deny it was so obvious. He promised it had only happened once, that it didn’t mean anything, that he wouldn’t do it again, that he cared about me. Blah blah. I knew, my confidence was dwindling, but I stayed a little longer.
My friends started opening my eyes, telling me to think about myself, that I was wasting my life with him, that he was unstable and selfish. That he was going to destroy me.
Anyway, if my head refused to make a decision, my body had made its choice. It had become physically impossible for me to make love with him following the affair with this girl. It had become epidermal . I didn’t know her but I saw him with her, it was stronger than me.
And my life sank into the murky, the pathos.
He didn’t remember if he had protected himself with her. My blood has only turned. He cheated on me, hoped for forgiveness but had no respect for me.
I saw red, the anger, the shame, the fear, the feeling of having been soiled, deceived, betrayed. I left.
He tried to catch up and then get me back for days afterwards. Refugee with a friend, I was shaking as I went to take the blood test and waited for the results. A priori I risked nothing since I had not made love with him again after her but there were so many lies that my confidence had disappeared.
I think that’s when I clicked, that I realized that it was all over for good.
After months of enduring a life that did not suit me, of questioning myself, I was alone to face this ordeal. It wasn’t my fault but still I felt guilty. Because I had let him hurt me, play with me, lie to me, betray me. And that I had not known how to set my limits, to leave before, to protect myself.
I don’t want to have any regrets at the start of our story because the passion was there and my feelings were genuine. But looking back, I realize that I let a situation take place that did not suit me for fear of asserting myself, for fear of losing it. I am responsible for this and should have spoken to him beforehand and probably left him sooner.
On the rest, it is unforgivable. The respect in a relationship is the basis of everything, and he does not know what it means. In a way, and even if it’s sad to say, I wonder if he really considered himself a couple with me during this shared year.
This relationship made me suffer but it also taught me a lot of things about myself, about what I want and don’t want in love anymore. And on the importance of thinking about yourself and loving yourself before giving your all to someone else.
Other moving testimonies:
- Two moving testimonies of victims of manipulators in love
- Having a child before 18 : The moving testimony of young mothers (14, 15 and 16)
- I left my husband for my lover and I regret : Sylvia’s testimony
- Affective dependence in the couple : testimony of Loïc
- I am not happy with him but I stay : testimony of Aurélie
- I left my wife for another and I regret it : testimony of Nicolas
- Divorce Within One Year Of Marriage : A Man’s Heartbreaking Testimonial
- I have lost the taste for happiness : The moving testimony of Agathe