Destructive love: all the signs of this love to be avoided
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
Love is the best feeling there is. To love and to be loved in return is a wonderful thing. But some people love badly, love too much, don’t know how to love, don’t know what pure and healthy love is. We then fall into a destructive love that not only endangers your relationship, but above all yourself, your state of mind, your well-being and even your mental health. Indeed, some people fall in love absolutely, excessively, totally. And this love goes too far, it takes control of everything and ends up hurting and destroying. To really love, you have to share love, of course, but also the values of respect, affection and trust. Without it, the relationship is not healthy. Is this your case? Do you feel that your relationship is not balanced? Do you suffer more than you love or feel loved but don’t know why? What if you were experiencing destructive love? To find out, here are all the signs of this love to be avoided.
Destructive love: all the signs of this love to be avoided
# 1 Contempt for the other
To despise one’s partner is to set up an unbalanced, dominant-dominated balance of power . We then find ourselves in a position that brings out a strong feeling or complex of inferiority and insecurity. Sometimes it goes very far: humiliations, hurtful and destructive criticisms, insults, bullying, violence . If your partner treats you like this and it is repeated over and over again, it is because the person does not love you and you are in an unhealthy relationship and destructive love.
# 2 disinterest
Sometimes contempt takes another form, that of ignorance and disinterest in one’s partner in a destructive relationship. Hurting the other can also mean ignoring them, ignoring their point of view, their desires, their needs, their emotions and feelings. We all need to communicate in a couple and we rightly expect understanding, sharing, reciprocity. If your spouse ignores you and even prefers to flee during an argument elsewhere, it is because he does not take you into consideration.. You can then feel humiliated and lose your self-confidence, that self-esteem, believing that you don’t deserve other people’s attention or that you are responsible for everything that goes wrong.
# 3 Control: one of the signs of destructive love
If you are in a relationship where your spouse is telling you how to be, what should interest you, what friends to have, etc., then that person is trying to control you in order to erase part or all of you. When a person loves another, he accepts it as is, unconditionally. We can and we must make compromises in a couple, but in no way step aside completely to give the other all the room or to be modeled in his image. Your partner uses fear, guilt, and manipulation to control you. This form of manipulation is reminiscent of gaslighting, this dangerous emotional abuse that must be avoided at all costs.
# 4 The hope that the other will change
Conversely, you are just as much in a relationship of destructive love when you hope in vain that the other will change , that he understands your desires and your needs, that he makes “efforts”. The term effort alone skews your relationship. You don’t have to be the only member of the couple to adapt to each other.
If the other person isn’t aware of their behavioral issues and doesn’t want to be a better person, there’s nothing you can do about it. It is often something unconscious at first, but associated with several other signs, you will quickly realize that you are not in a harmonious romantic relationship. You can’t make a relationship live for two, and you can’t change the other against their will.
# 5 emotional codependence and fear of abandonment
Even realizing that something is wrong with the relationship, some people cannot stop it because they are in need of the other. They prefer to suffer criticism, contempt or indifference from their partner. All, rather than finding themselves are not alone. Likewise, the other member feels empowered because his partner depends on him. Here we enter the realm of affective and emotional codependency , where fear of emotional loneliness is closely related to lack of self-confidence.
Do you feel like you don’t deserve better, or that you are nothing without him / her? The fear of abandonment is often at the root of these cases of emotional dependence . In the context of a destructive love, the problem is reinforced by this codependence maintained by the “strong” partner, often manipulative , who finds his account in this balance of power. This ties in with the need for permanent control.
Destructive love: the 5 other signs of this love to avoid
# 6 A total lack of serenity
To live a destructive romantic relationship is to live permanently in the midst of tensions , where serenity has no place. Arguments and relationship crises are repeated because you are not able to compromise and you lack respect and kindness towards each other. Your relationship is therefore a permanent fight , you do not feel safe, not serene, in a constant balance of power that does not allow you to move forward and to have plans for a couple .
# 7 A poor definition of romantic passion
Many people remain imprisoned in destructive love because they make the following mistake: they think that it is the power of the passion in love between them that causes these excesses, they convince themselves that it is all normal . Outbursts of jealousy, arguments, lies, deceptions, you live a permanent dramatic scenario and the worst thing is that you believe that to really love, that is it. Otherwise you will sink into routine and boredom. Passionate love can indeed be destructive, because it is the projection of an idealized and fantasized love. And that reality can lead to disappointment. But amorous passion either does not last, or turns into more serene love. At no moment, to be passionate must be synonymous with suffering and destruction .
# 8 A feeling of duality: one of the signs of destructive love
There is a real duality when you experience destructive love. On the one hand, we want to leave but on the other, we stay because we cannot take the plunge. And it ends up being felt on a daily basis. You are in a relationship and you cannot tell yourself that breaking up is the solution, but at the same time, the moments in a relationship begin to weigh on you. When you are in a healthy relationship, you want to spend quality time with your partner. But, when you experience a destructive love that you are slowly becoming aware of, you are looking for excuses not to be with your partner too often, especially two. Without realizing it, you are thinking about breaking out of this destructive relationship.
# 9 Guilt over breaking up
The duality is strongly accompanied by a feeling of guilt , often proportional to the length of life of your couple. Have you been with your partner for so long that you feel like leaving him or her would be cruel? Are you unhappy but stay with him / her because you feel sad about breaking up with him / her? Staying with someone for fear of their reactions, for fear of making them suffer is not reason enough. A relationship where one partner is forcing or pretending is not good for the couple. It’s dishonest love that will eventually destroy you both.
# 10 Staying for “wrong reasons”
In terms of bad reasons for staying in a relationship despite a destructive love, often come the following two. If you know that these are the reasons for your decision to stay, it is because you realize that your relationship is not healthy. The degree to qualify her as destructive love depends on the other signs, but it is obvious that you cannot qualify your couple as happy when the only things that motivate us to stay are our material comfort or our children.
Financial and material dependence
Many couples work well even when only one partner is working. But, it can become a trap for the person who is not making money. Often this one stays because she doesn’t really have a choice. She doesn’t know how to live on her own or she doesn’t see how to build her life separately.
Staying in a relationship because you think it’s best for the kids is a telltale sign that your love is destructive, or at least no longer fulfilling you . This kind of relationship cannot be healthy or happy.