Am I good enough for him or for her? Stop devaluing yourself!
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other… So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
It can happen, at the beginning of a relationship, or when one of the two partners of the couple is having success or success, to ask the following question: am I good enough for him or for her? Indeed, some people wonder how they were able to retain the attention of the one who makes their heart beat. Physical complex, difference in social background, education, level of studies or job rewarding for one, all this can highlight an inferiority complex or a lack of self-confidenceat the other. And yet, if you are in a genuine relationship, you shouldn’t be asking yourself this question. Am I good enough for him or for her? Indeed, stop devaluing yourself and believing that you do not deserve the love of the other! If your life partner chose you, he loves you.
Am I good enough for him or for her? Stop devaluing yourself!
Who has never been tempted to ask this question? This man, this woman, you may have fallen in love with him / her, in any case you dreamed of holding his attention. And it’s done, you are a couple.
Only you cannot help telling yourself that it is not possible, that it will not last, that the other will inevitably end up leaving you. Why ? Because you got into your head that you are not good enough, not up to it, not up to it.
But who said some people are better than others? Why make such a value judgment, to your further detriment?
The reasons for this devaluation
This questioning is fed at different levels depending on what makes you doubt, worries you, makes you devalue yourself:
Physical complex : “I am not beautiful enough; I am too fat ; I am too small; not muscular enough; she is too beautiful for me … “
Comparison with others : “she can have all the men she wants at her feet; he gets picked on by everything that moves… ”
Difference in social background : “his family has a lot of money; I couldn’t give her everything she wants; he has a great apartment and I live in a tiny studio… ”
Professional background : “she has a doctorate, I only have a CAP; he’s an intellectual, I stopped my studies to work; he has a job with responsibilities, mine is food ”…
Sentimental life : “I divorced, she was never married; I already have children and he doesn’t; I have had a lot of women in my life, not her; he will judge me based on my past in love … “
If this list is obviously not exhaustive, it nevertheless sums up rather well what can motivate some people to believe that they do not deserve the person with whom they are having a love affair.
Am I good enough for him or for her? A thought not to feed
When the couple is more settled, it can happen that these fears reappear when one of the two partners experiences a success or a success that creates an imbalance in the mind of the one who lacks confidence in him / her. Not out of jealousy or envy, on the contrary, the pride in seeing the other succeed is there. Whether it is a professional, sporting or financial success, it does not matter. But sometimes, seeing your partner move forward makes you question and doubt your own worth. And so, the feeling of inferiority comes to the end of its nose.
A good balance between yourself and your couple
While it is normal in a couple to support each other, help each other, value the other, however each must continue to evolve on their own to develop their own individuality. It is not selfishness and it is not incompatible with a relationship. Just being two does not mean having to put your dreams and projects on hold, however. It is quite possible to carry out his list of personal life projects with his couple projects . As the expression goes, it is not necessary to crush others to exist, and this is what you need to remember within your relationship.
You have to know how to exist by yourself but also with the other, and for that you have to find the right balance, the right reciprocity. And none of this is possible without self-confidence.
Am I good enough for him or for her? A question of self-confidence
To think in this way, that one is not good enough for the other, is to devalue oneself. It’s damaging your own image and convincing yourself that nothing you do, or worse, the person you are, does not deserve the love of the other. These thoughts are fueled by lack of self-confidence, by low self-esteem. There are several possible reasons for this. For having developed such an inferiority complex, for having such a poor self-image, it is because you have long let your limiting beliefs rule your life. That is to say that more or less unconscious blockages prevent you from valuing yourself and telling yourself that you deserve the interest and love that you are given. It could come from your childhood, your family or even a painful breakup that has trouble healing.
If you’ve had a demeaning, hurtful experience, it may have left a traumatic imprint on you, so much so that it prevents you from believing in yourself and your worth.
A story of perception
People who think this way develop such complexes that they are sure that everyone sees them that way. By dint of devaluing themselves, of seeing themselves through the prism of negativity, their perception is distorted. Thus, they think that the image they return is necessarily negative.
The problem, by dint of thinking like this, is that you end up believing in it and acting in this direction, which does not allow others to know who is behind the shell. If you are always feeding your complexes, comparing yourself, devaluing yourself, it is difficult for others to take an interest in you. And so it can become dangerous for your relationship.
He / she is with you out of love, not out of pity!
By cultivating this bad image of yourself, you run the risk that your partner will get bored. As strong as he can love you, if your relationship is constantly polluted by your doubts, your anxieties, your fears, your blockages, then it can ruin everything. Your partner cannot do the work for you. Of course, its role is to support and encourage you, but not to solve your problems for you.
If he is there, if she is there, with you, it is for love . And if you spend your time doubting her feelings for you, imagine the harm that can do to her. It’s like you’re constantly questioning her sincerity and commitment.
Am I good enough for him or for her? Yes !
His choice fell on you with and not despite your physical appearance, your past, your background, your origins, your current life. If he or she loves you, it is for your whole.
We must not want to change the other in love, nor want to change to keep the other. So of course, we all doubt at the beginning, it’s normal, because we get to know each other. It is possible that your differences are important, but if you are together despite them, your relationship has a chance to build. Above all, don’t waste your time nurturing your limiting beliefs, they will ruin your love affair.
And don’t forget that self-confidence is essential to remain a driving force in your relationship. We all go through moments of doubt, trials and together, we are stronger. But only seeing things on the wrong side doesn’t help. Constantly devaluing oneself will at best arouse compassion and empathy for a time, but over time, pity and weariness will take their places. And there will be none left for love.
So get this question out of your head once and for all. Yes, you are good enough for her or him and you deserve the interest and love that the other has for you!
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