She leaves me because I don’t want to get married: How to react?
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
Today, Aleks answers the question of a reader, Arnaud, which is the following: She is leaving me because I do not want to get married, what should I do?
She leaves me because I don’t want to get married: Question from Arnaud
Hello to the whole Parler d’Amour team,
First of all, thank you for your many articles which give me a lot of support and comfort. Even if I admit that for some, I would have liked to have read them before making mistakes, but let’s move on.
My problem: She leaves me because I don’t want to get married. Simple, concise, precise… What more should I add?
I am devastated because we love each other, it’s undeniable, we’ve been living together for three years and everything is fine. Small arguments from time to time but nothing too bad; on the household or who has not cleared the dishwasher. The rest of the time, we laugh, we talk about everything and nothing, we go to the theater, to the restaurant, to friends … In short, what happiness! Finally for me. Because this happiness was apparently not enough for him.
It has been several times that she broached the subject of marriage and for me it is clear:
I do not want to get married.
Not because I don’t love her, but precisely because I love her and for me love is something that you work on on a daily basis. The marriage is nothing else for me a paper at City Hall. And when you see how easy it is to divorce today, I find that it no longer makes any sense!
She, she wants to get married for the princess side.
She tells me that she wants to have the happiest day of her life, have a beautiful white dress and have all of our friends and families together. But for me, it’s just ostentatious, it has no value in my eyes and I do not understand his desire I admit. It was also the only times when I found her very superficial as if she was 12 years old and she lived in a Disney.
I ended up telling her “ok we’re getting married but I’m not taking care of anything, it’s only for you”.
And, if I thought I was doing well by giving in, this sentence destroyed everything. She told me that I was not the one to make her dreams come true and that it was better to stop there. She took her things and left to live with her parents for two weeks now with hardly any news! It stuck me up I still can’t believe it and I really don’t know how to act!
I really need your lanterns!
Thank you, Arnaud
She leaves me because I don’t want to get married: Aleks’ response
I feel in you a lot of suffering and I will try to help you in your current torments.
What I read in your story is a beautiful meeting where two people live beautiful moments, accomplices, fusions. Some disagreements like any couple.
But right now you are separated.
Marriage was a bigger disagreement, and it took a toll on your relationship.
Read also: What men think about marriage
You say that for you, marriage is just represented by a piece of paper, and that no longer makes sense, and to please her you said yes.
I’ll explain why some people really want to get married:
Despite what everyone thinks, in today’s society, marriage remains an exceptional sacrament which is granted only once in a lifetime.
It allows two to be fundamentally in love, to unite body and soul for life. He commits each of them to be the backbone of the other for the rest of his life. It is a promise that we cannot make on a daily basis.
Marriage allows you to set a date. Date on which a union is made, and which will become a wedding anniversary date , on which, each year, you will be able to remember all that you offer to the other.
Love is worked on daily, yes, but marriage consists in fighting for each other, in creating an alliance, a sign of love and fidelity.
It allows you to announce to your families, how serious your relationship is, and at the level of the law, without marriage, you appear in boxes of “single”. On top of that, your sweetheart would bear your name.
For a young girl, bearing the name of her lover brings a family dimension.
She is part of your family, and will be able to offer your children your name.
What proof of love on his part! (Although she can keep hers too!).
Do you feel the indestructible bond taking hold?
You seal an eternal bond in marble.
For those who see marriage as a life project for two, it allows you to give meaning to your relationship. Be ready to make a serious commitment. Out of billions of people on Earth, the other says, “It’s you I want and no one else.”
What moment in life can be more intense than this for 2 lovers?
Little girls dream of this day since their childhood and of their imagination, they bring to the present moment, this reality: the official union.
Of course, they see each other in the same dress as Cinderella, with a princess wedding, but what is behind it all?
An immeasurable stake.
The certainty of having made the right choice, and of having chosen not a Man, but THE RIGHT .
It’s not that the everyday is no longer enough, it’s that beyond all that you have built a marriage seals the whole of your couple, and allows them to move forward.
Not entering into marriage, when we dream of it, gives us the impression of not moving towards the future, but of stagnating, and of wasting time. As if in the end, nothing was serious.
In your relationship, the breakup took place despite the love and complicity described.
For your partner, marriage was a huge issue and it was difficult for you to oppose this project.
And even if you said “yes” to her, what she remembers is “yes, but”.
She doesn’t want to be an option, she wants to be a choice.
Living together , marriage, children, all these subjects are delicate and matter more to some than to others. But it is important that the two partners who form the couple are on the same wavelength for these subjects which are very often of great importance.
But to say “no” is a radical response, very brutal to live with.
She needed to question herself, she wanted to feel listened to in her desires, need to be comforted.
Marriage is one day and only one in a lifetime, it is being prepared for two, for months, and these are precious moments, of complicity and reminders of memories.
She leaves me because I don’t want to get married: Yes, because she wanted to do all this together.
We do not get married to please, but because it seems obvious , quite simply.
Not being for the wedding or not considering it right away also goes along. And we have to talk about it.
The fact of having been in the negation too quickly must have pointed her and made her ask 1001 questions about her future, and therefore, as a result, about her current life and you.
She leaves me because I don’t want to get married: Your situation today
Currently, you say you have no news. If you want to get it back, you would have to start all over again. Ask him to speak to you, to open his heart to you and to hear his expectations.
May you also tell him your misunderstandings, your hesitations, your doubts.
We must avoid rejecting requests immediately, take them into consideration, analyze them, and talk about them.
A beautiful declaration of love could allow her to remember how much you are accomplices, and what seduced you about both.
For the question of marriage, if it is re-approached, avoid the categorical “no”, and rather say “why not”, which opens up a potential dialogue, even if marriage is not necessarily one of your choices. .
Above all, she will hear that she is important to you, and that you have managed to move forward in your thinking from “no” to “why not”.
She will see it as a sacrifice, and therefore a proof of love. As is marriage for her.
Hoping to have guided you in your questions, I bring you my support in this difficult situation, do not hesitate to give us your news.