Saving your couple when all seems lost: The solutions
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
You have the impression that your relationship is on the verge of breaking up, and you wonder how to save your relationship when all seems lost …
You want at all costs to avoid taking a break in your relationship , because you fear that it will spell the end of your relationship. But you feel that you are walking dangerously away, and that scares you.
Many happy couples who have been together for a long time have experienced at least one crisis in their married life, a time when everything seemed lost, and they managed to overcome it to reunite again, even more tightly than before. It can happen to you too, so be confident.
1 / Listen to the needs of the other to save your marriage when all seems lost
Take your share of responsibility
It is important that everyone recognizes their wrongs in the couple’s crisis. Often we tend to blame the other for the couple’s problems, because we don’t want to take our share of responsibility. For example, if your partner has cheated on you, you may want to make life impossible for him / her, to make him pay for all the harm he / she has done to you. But if he / she cheated on you, isn’t it also due, for example, to the fact that you had shown him indifference recently, that it has been several months since you were so much on a project that you no longer took care of the couple, that you abandoned them to take care of 100% of your child? This is no excuse for betrayal, but you may also have some responsibility to acknowledge.
In addition, we have an unfortunate tendency to think that we have the Truth, that our way of thinking and doing is the best.
We are convinced that our vision of the world is universal, while our partner has his own vision of the world, different from ours. Neither has the Absolute Truth, so it is important not to ridicule their own worldview in favor of your own. Listen to him / her, and try to find solutions so that neither of them has to make any sacrifice for the couple.
Taking one’s share of responsibility also means no longer taking the role of victim in the couple’s crisis situation, but taking the role of co-responsible , to make things better. Seeing you making efforts to save your marriage instead of resigning yourself, your partner will be more likely to do so too. The positive attracts the positive, so make sure you create some beautiful new energy as a couple.
Go towards more independence or more sharing?
Does your partner blame you for your distance, the fact that you go to him / her less often? Or conversely does he / she reproach you for not letting him or her air?
If you feel that your partner is moving away, is it time to listen to what he / she needs: attentions, sharing or even freedom?
Even if your needs are different, make an effort to respect their needs a little more. If your partner pulls away, you may have a tendency to run after them to reassure you about their feelings. But if he / she moves away, it is because he / she needs distance, so try to take on you, and leave him / her some space.
Conversely, if your partner moves away when he / she has often criticized you for your distance in the past, it’s time to show yourself more present, without being intrusive.
Understand his language of love
Do you know the book ” The Five Languages of Love ” by Gary Chapman ? According to the author, there are 5 different languages of love, and each has its own way of saying “I love you”. Indeed, since everyone has their own view of the world, everyone also has their own way of expressing their feelings.
For some, it will be a hand-written love letter , for others it will be gifts, surprises , or even help with daily housework.
Try to understand the language of your partner’s love: how does he / she express his / her feelings to you? Maybe you didn’t pay too much attention to his displays of affection, because they seemed insignificant to you?
Often we act based on how we would like the other to act with us. Learn to speak his language of love and introduce him / her to yours.
2 / Recreate emotion to save your marriage when everything seems lost
The emotion, the connection is what makes a couple united and complicit. Sometimes we let ourselves be invaded by everyday life, and we forget to take care of the couple. Even more so when we live under the same roof: we have the impression of spending a lot of time together, when in fact there are often much less qualitative moments, based on the connection.
So reconnect with what you liked about him / her at the beginning, and what made you fall in love. List everything you like about him / her. You might have almost forgotten all of that. Recall the good times spent together, immerse yourself in your happy memories.
Then put the everyday life aside for a moment, to take the time to reconnect emotionally with your partner: ask him / her how he / she feels about a situation (his / her job, his / her children etc.), ask -him questions about his / her past, his / her childhood, what is important to him / her.
These questions will lead you to re-reveal yourself in an authentic, vulnerable and intimate way, creating a powerful bond based on trust.
How to save your marriage when everything seems lost? By becoming the person he / she once knew
Water has flowed under the bridges since you met, and you may have tended to take your partner for granted ever since. You may have lost the habit of putting yourself on your 31st, listening carefully when he / she talks to you, offering him / her outings for two, etc.
Take this relationship crisis as the opportunity to make efforts again for the couple, to find yourself even more united than before.
Immerse yourself in the body and mind of the person he / she has met. How did you seduce him? With humor, your charm, your loving little attentions , your ambition, your way of asserting yourself, your commitment?
Embody the values of the person he / she fell in love with, so that he / she will have sparkling eyes again when he sees you, and that you regain confidence in you.
Create a new couple when all seems lost
When there is crisis, there is an opportunity for change. Moreover, the word “crisis” in Chinese consists of two characters: the first means “danger”, and the second “opportunity / chance”.
A couple crisis can therefore represent a chance for the couple to start again on a better basis, to build a new couple with even stronger feelings.
Indeed, it is an illusion to think that you will be able to restart on the same bases as before. Your relationship will inevitably have to evolve into something different, as the crisis proves that you both evolved on your own, leaving the relationship as it is.
Now is the time to build a whole new relationship.
The fear of losing the other can make you realize their worth, and give you the strength to brave obstacles to make the relationship evolve.
And it is by communicating with the other that you will know what you can both put in place to start again on new bases. When both people have the will to save the couple, anything is possible.
Conclusion: save your marriage when all seems lost
You have understood it: it is not easy to save your marriage when everything seems to be lost, because it requires reconsideration and effort.
In this situation, the most important thing is to act while avoiding as much as possible to let yourself be overwhelmed by your emotions. It’s okay to be afraid of losing him / her, to feel anger towards him / her, to be sad, but this should not make you give up, take revenge or become dependent.
Stay confident so you can stay in control. Yes, it is possible that you will separate, just as it is possible that you will leave even more in love on even more united bases. So, are you ready to make these efforts for the person you love?