My man lies to me and denies everything altogether: what to do?
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
Today AleKs answers a new question from a reader namely: my man is lying and denying me, what should I do?
Question from Chloe:
Hello Léa and to the whole team,
I’m not the type to send emails usually but the situation weighs too much on me and I need to externalize and also to have advice because I admit to being completely lost.
My man lies to me and denies everything altogether, that is the main concern.
Let me explain: We have been together for 6 years and we are in love with each other. Only, he’s a party animal, we live in Paris and we go out almost every weekend and most of the time each on our own (we live together so we agree one evening a week to be me with my friends and him with his). And I find it super healthy to operate like this!
Except that for some time I have very big doubts! When he tells me about his evenings and I talk about it with his friends a few days or weeks later, I often realize that he lied to me (like he didn’t tell me the real him, he forgot important parts of the evening, he even happened to lie about the people who were with him…). The other day he told me that he was in such and such a box, and while doing laundry I came across a credit card receipt which mentions another box at 2 am… Why lie about such futile things if he? has nothing to be ashamed of.
I get jealous and bad … And the more suspicious I am, the more he lies, the more he denies. I wonder if he is cheating on me although, as you can imagine, he says no …
In short, I am sad and lost (I am 29 years old). What do you recommend that I do ?
My man lies to me and denies everything altogether: Aleks’ response
I will try to help you clarify all your questions.
To begin with, 6 years as a couple and living together:
What are your common passions? Do you have intimate moments or do you only cross paths during the week?
What is your daily life made of? Similar hours or do you work shifted?
Has the routine settled down or are you giving yourself special moments with each other?
It is important that the basis of your relationship is mutual love, respect, trust but also the sharing of intimate moments.
Talk to your partner about how you feel about your respective outings. The couple communication is essential, never forget.
He’s a party animal but you don’t tell if you too.
A common passion could allow you to find yourself again.
In a couple, being together 24 hours a day is not always possible and for some unthinkable.
Human beings are made to live in society, but they need individuality.
What do you do with your free time? What passion drives you?
Do you enjoy moments alone, with the family or with friends?
It is good to refocus and review your desires to be happy yourself .
You say be especially sad and lost, it is in such times it is vital to re-stock . You have your life ahead of you!
Of course we all have our moments of loneliness and discomfort, but look deep inside you what drives you and makes you vibrate.
A day without a smile is a day wasted, don’t forget that.
Finally, it is important to understand that the other, like you, has their individuality to have.
The basis of the couple is laid on respect , trust, honesty and sharing.
If one of these stones is missing from the building, then the whole thing is wobbly.
The goal is to try to rebalance everything to live together, serenely and as happy as possible.
To do this, you have to be attentive to the other, to listen, not constantly to watch him , but to keep a benevolent gaze. You know if he had a good day or not for example, and you’ll know how to cheer him up if it was a grueling day.
Being supportive and attentive to others brings trust.
We do not depend on the other but we offer them a part of ourselves.
Currently, you are asking yourself a lot of questions, you are expressing jealousy and feeling bad. You have to talk with your spouse.
Give him your feelings, explain your suffering to him and ask him to speak from an open heart with you.
Either the couple consolidates or they risk collapsing.
Living with fears, doubts, is not a happy life.
Try to speak and have everyone express their point of view, their expectations, their plans.
Love is not a long quiet river, and settling down to take stock is important to keep the same goals in mind.