I am not happy with him but I stay: testimony of Aurélie
How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
I am not happy but I cannot leave him. How many of us have thought about this once? A lot . Only, it is not a reality always easy to assume. That of not being a fulfilled woman within her marriage. Of not feeling well enough to be happy. Each has its own definition of happiness as a couple , it can indeed take different forms because each has its own vision of happiness. Personal development within the couple meets many criteria that we cannot necessarily name. It is a mixture of emotions, sensations, various feelings. And in the center obviously arises the question of love.. Can we be in a relationship while having this feeling of unfinished business for a very long time? Do we have to sacrifice some things for the benefit of others to be happy together? How do you know whether to stay or go? Why is the choice so difficult to make? Here is the testimony of Aurelie, 36 years old, in a relationship for 5 years, on this subject. I’m not happy with him but I stay. She expresses her hesitations, her questions, her doubts, her hopes.
Testimony of Aurelie, 36 years old: I’m not happy with him but I stay
“I met my partner 5 years ago, he’s a good man , worthy as they say, with whom I know that the future can be peaceful . I know he will never knowingly harm me, and after all the misadventures I’ve had with men in the past, I longed for a safe haven when I met him.
This is what I felt when I met him, sweetness, tenderness, calm. The warmth , too?
I told myself that if it weren’t for the enthusiasm, the passion of the beginnings, it didn’t matter. That this time I was going to fall in love slowly , build my happiness with him differently.
Over time, we obviously shared our daily life together, we are there for each other. But he always missed this little flame, this desire, this madness, this passion. My companion is a man of habits , of routine , who needs to be reassured, to create a comfort zone for himself.
He likes to organize everything , he proceeds in our life as a couple in concrete stages to check off, as with his work. He validates things one by one, leaves no room for the unexpected , and therefore not for surprises . He is a reassuring, reassuring man. But with which I am bored . I suffocate at times in this sincere relationship, certainly, but terribly routine, smooth, as already programmed in advance.
If at the beginning, all these things did me good because they reassured me, I realize today that one does not build one’s relationship on habits, that tenderness is not enough, not enough for me to live the great love. Am I too demanding, too idealistic?
I’m not happy with him but I’m staying… What to do?
I am not totally fulfilled , not happy. Love him yes but am I really in love with him? I ask myself this question and I blame myself. My past experiences have shown me that passion is not the answer to everything, does not allow happiness.
I was very unhappy to lose myself in an overly passionate relationship with a man who did not respect me. But today, I can’t be happy in the warmth of a stable relationship either.
Am I the problem? Is it the love that I idealized?
I can no longer know where I am. Often times I feel unable to leave it but sometimes I tell myself that if I stay I will suffocate. That I am not sincere. And if I stay, will time do it?
I feel like it’s going to be a tight little life and I hate myself for thinking that way. Conversely, if I leave, won’t I fall back into my mistakes, looking for love in the wrong place, in ephemeral passion?
I spoke to him, expressed my doubts, yes I tried. But no matter how positive we communicate, there are things he won’t change about. Things that he does not understand because we do not consider love on a daily basis in the same way.
I am torn between this part of my personality that needs surprises, passion, the unexpected and this other part, this woman who wants to be loved serenely. And whose biological clock is ticking, I’m not going to lie and who doesn’t necessarily want to start all over again.
So to build my life as a woman as a couple and become a mother, do I have to shut up certain things, stifle certain desires? Can’t we have everything as a couple? To know marital happiness, should we speak of concessions or sacrifices ? “