How to find the bond of the beginnings in his marriage?
Over time, the couple’s relationship changes. We move away, we communicate less, we argue. Yet we still love each other … So how do you get your relationship back on track and rediscover the bond and laughter that made us fall in love?
I can’t stand my husband anymore. How many wives have, alas, already uttered this sentence? Fed up with his faults and his quirks, his delays, his lack of attention … There are several reasons for this fed up that often come back and testify to the exceeding of the tolerance threshold of many women. Because the life of a couple is not a long calm river, sometimes love is not enough. And what seemed like a detail can become unbearable with the weight of everyday life, work, children and various obligations. It can then become difficult not to give in to anger or annoyance. How not to let yourself be overwhelmed by these negative emotions, how to keep calm? What are the solutions to avoid tensions and conflicts? I can’t stand my husband anymore: what should I do?
I can’t stand my husband anymore: what should I do?
First of all, if there is one thing to do, it is to identify, know and understand the reasons for your annoyance. And their degree of importance. What are these things that you can’t stand? How much does it annoy you? Is it just annoyance or does it generate more serious feelings and emotions in you? Disgust, anger, sadness?
Why can’t I stand my husband anymore?
Many couples go through this phase but that does not prevent them from finding a new lease of life afterwards. The important thing is to understand what is going on and not let the situation get worse.
It is said that love makes you blind and, at the beginning of a relationship, this is very true. These character traits that you liked at the beginning about him are now proving annoying. For example, you who admired his orderly side, you see him as a storage freak. You who liked his calm, there you are, he in supports you to be too soft.
I can’t stand my husband anymore: do I still love him ?
So first thing, do not forget that you fell in love with him and married him for his qualities and his faults. Don’t throw stones at her today for things that you have accepted since the beginning of your marriage.
But the problem is that over time, on a daily basis, its qualities turn out to be flaws. Or that other flaws have appeared. And you only see that, because your husband does not adapt to your relationship, to its development, to your family life, etc.
Most of the time, this time of crisis is normal and can even be healthy, as it shows you that it is time to readjust and redefine your relationship. Any rejection that seems final does not necessarily mean that we must separate. Nothing is irreversible. You just have to know how to approach the crisis intelligently. Starting by finding the main reason.
The reasons that make your husband unbearable in your eyes
Your tolerance threshold
First, it may be interesting to gauge your tolerance level in recent weeks, or even in recent months. Your condition may be the reason that things annoy you more easily than before. Do you have a professional problem? A source of stress or fatigue? There may be personal reasons why your tolerance level is plummeting. Be careful, this does not mean that your husband is perfect and that it is your fault, absolutely not! But analyzing the situation well while knowing its emotional and psychological state allows to apprehend it correctly.
When the routine settles in a couple, you have to be careful that boredom does not invite itself. You are no longer interested in the daily life of the other, you get tired of what he tells you? At home, everyone makes their own life in their own corner, one watching television and the other on their phone? You no longer know what it’s like to share real couple moments together and your only common interests are housework and children.
There is no more bond between you and you have the impression that it does not affect him, that he is very well like that. Does this routine highlight a home-loving, homebody, selfish husband, who procrastinates for everything and is not interested in anything? A bad routine is the killer of many couples, but it is not overwhelming.
I can’t stand my husband anymore because of his character
This routine reveals traits of her character that make you bristle and it is often this that becomes prohibitive for the majority of wives. Laziness, procrastination of all kinds, easy criticism, a certain chauvinism, selfishness, sluggishness have so many examples. Those traits that you tolerated in the beginning are abysmal now.
Indeed, the personality of each obviously has a lot of influence on the overall health of the couple. When fatigue, disappointment, anger and stress are present and you no longer make an effort to spare each other, in the long run, you will not be able to support each other.
Money and work
These two reasons are extremely opposed to the spouses, it is a factor of worry and recurring stress. Financial and professional problems often create disagreements within the couple who, instead of remaining united, fail to deal with the problem. A tight budget, an overdraft, an unforeseen expense, a job loss or on the contrary an omnipresent job can ruin everything. By force, you can loathe the work and the financial values of your spouse in one way or the other, that he works too much or on the contrary not enough, and therefore in turn, it is him that you dislike. .
A common vision of life in danger
If you fell in love and you got married, it is because you had a common vision of love, of the couple and of life. The balance of the couple is indeed based on one or more common objectives, projects, desires. If over time, your husband no longer pays attention to this and thinks only about his career and his personal future for example, inevitably, unease sets in. You feel misunderstood and your relationship is greatly disturbed. You can no longer bear his selfishness, his vision of things and therefore his presence. This is one of the most serious reasons that can keep a couple apart. Indeed, the divergence of life goals weighs a lot in the balance of a home.Spouses who no longer share their vision of life will find it difficult to get along in the long term.
I can’t stand my husband anymore: what should I do?
How do you react to this annoyance? How do you behave with him?
-Are you avoiding conflict?
You do this by changing the subject rather than talking about what’s really wrong.
-Are you trying to dominate the situation?
It is you who are always right and he always wrong, reproaches and emotionality in the key.
-Are you sacrificing yourself?
You give up your feelings to preserve your relationship and your family at all costs by constantly making concessions.
Pretend that all is well , be in constant reproach or act with a rounded back in the hope that it passes… So many reactions which will not allow you to get out of this infernal spiral and to fix things, on the contrary. The more you leave the situation rotten, the less you put up with your husband.
What do you need to do to get back into a happy relationship?
A work on oneself
For an adjusted reaction, you must first do some work on yourself, before blaming your partner and making him wear the hat. Yes he is wrong, but start from yourself, from your inner feelings to understand what is happening.
The important thing is to listen to your inner self, calm down, identify your needs and expectations. Understand each other to better react and communicate positively in order to be heard.
You need to be alone, think about your own situation and make decisions. If nothing is going well with your relationship, why not spend a few days with your family or with friends, just to see things more clearly?
I can’t stand my husband anymore: a responsibility that is often shared
The important thing is to take the time to look at your life as a couple, with an observant gaze, not a judge, to take stock of the wrongs and responsibilities of each of you. Relativizing the faults of the other and willing to look at each other in the face is a good start.
You have to admit that this negative situation, this dead end in which you find yourself is the result of your interactions.
To get out of it smoothly, you have to go beyond the famous game “It’s not me, it’s you” and share the responsibilities. Assuming you’re in this mess together, you’re on the right track.
Write him a letter
Writing a letter to your husband, telling him what’s on your mind, is a good way to defuse the situation. What you like and what annoys you about him, his faults as well as his qualities, what you want and what you offer for a more serene couple life …
It will be a good basis to start a peaceful and constructive discussion with him, in order to redefine together what you want for your marriage.
You must not procrastinate too long, you must burst the abscess and tackle the problem. Saying things is important, being open and sharing your feelings to identify eye-to-eye discomfort is the essential solution.
If the situation gets better at the end of your discussions, you should not believe that everything is solved. Once the crisis has been brought to light, it is essential to agree and trust each other. You have to make a clean sweep of the past together and reorganize your life as a couple in order to rethink your relationship. Multiply activities together, have real moments together at home, make an effort on daily tasks … Depending on the things to improve, you can imagine everything to revive the bond between you.
A marital therapy
If, on the contrary, you feel helpless and unable to communicate well with your husband, a good option would be to seek the help of a couples therapist. A professional will be able to support you in resuming dialogue and building a new beginning for a more fulfilling relationship, more aligned with your values and your individual needs.
Either way, if you still love your husband and care about your union, dialogue is essential, no matter what. Perseverance, patience, benevolence and action are the key words. On both sides !
What if it’s too late?
If after all these efforts, you cannot reconnect with your spouse. You must ask yourself the fateful question: can our marriage be saved?
Very often the signs do not deceive. If your husband does not change, continue not to pay attention to you, that he does not invest in spite of your efforts. If affection and intimacy are non-existent, it’s time to say STOP!
You are unhappy and you have tried everything but nothing works. Besides, you can no longer project yourself into the future with him. You have to look at separation. A difficult decision, especially if there are children, but which is necessary because it is essential for you to be happy in the future, with or without him.